My mom’s former boss always wanted white carpet in her kitchen because she felt like it meant she’d “arrived.” It was exactly what you’re thinking - it meant that she didn’t have to cook that often, that she had the time and energy to be fussy about the house, and could afford to have it cleaned frequently. She…

Kim K is suing a doctor and his “vampire facial” for using her face to shill it on Instagram.

IDK...if I looked as bangin’ in that dress as does, I’d be wearing it to the Target.  

After the trial*, I’m going to ban any mention of the Trumps in our house.

That’s funny, mentioning the Jenner/Kardashians is banned in my house.

Agree. I’m unclear on why he would need to mention her by name in his statement about his actions. That seems like it would only bring her more negative attention and cement the association further, and she definitely doesn’t need that.

This apology was for him and not Wainwright. And I saw the video and what I saw was someone who was so drunk he would have humped a lamppost ifnge could have stood up on his own. (Note:. I don’t forgive the manhandling women.... Either he loves fucking with women or he has already learned how he acts when drunk and…

I have to agree with you. As always, Lainey was right to note the promotion at the end of his “apology.” As she said, “his narcissism is breathtaking.” Like, just one time he couldn’t make it about his partner and how he humiliated her, or about his family, or own up to an indiscretion, or whatever, it still had to be…

Baking Soda’s oversharing tendencies have a weird mix of kinky (let me tell you about my tender, loving marriage, and also my bondage experiences!) and grotendous (let me tell you about my idyllic, barefoot childhood, and also my ringworm infections! yes, again!) battling it out. Guess his publicist was too busy…

Bingo.

I would pay money for a live stream of this. 

I bet the publicist’s intern who had the idea to get the photo taken down and then reinstated didn’t even get a bonus.

I hate to defend Kristen (because I mean...) but she’s actually right in this case. Just by acknowledging this woman is co-writing the book (and will, it seems, have a co-writing credit) she doesn’t have a ghostwriter, she has a co-writer. That is, assuming Kristen writes any of it.

Febreeze has a wrinkle release spray, so that’s a twofer right there.

After what he put Diane Lane through I hope it was a Tuscan Sun.

I’m amazed that only his perineum got burnt. What about the other bits? Doesn’t he have a couple infinity stones down there?

The asshole sun thing doesn’t sound that crazy.

Wait, the Josh Brolin part is confusing me. We all know he’s kidding, right? And that he’s making fun of the same thing we all made fun of last week, right here on Jezebel?

He’s better than my husband would have been. My husband would have posted, “Suck a bag of dicks,” and I would have cheered that on.