When my wife gave birth, the monitor on the machine for her epidural would periodically play the first four notes of Lavender Town's theme. Talk about things you don't want to think about while you're waiting for your child to be born.

Holy guacamole strip mancala. This rules.

I was dating this guy, and I was attracted to him on an intellectual level because he was so creative, but the physical attraction wasn't very high. He was kind of an awkward lover - if we switched from me on top to him on top, instead of rolling over, he'd stand up on the bed while I laid down. And not only would he…

I was on a third date with a guy we'll call Joe. I hadn't had sex for a while and had offered on previous dates, but he wanted to wait, so I respected that. We go to the house that Joe is housesitting at for friends and start making out in the bedroom. I rip all of my clothes off in one smooth motion, tossing them to…

The first time is the worst time. I was 17 and this guy I worked with 'dared' me to sneak into his house and do it with him (he was a virgin too). I told my mom I was staying at a girlfriend's house and then snuck into his parent's house undetected and into his bedroom. We were both too awkward to just start making…

I went on a bad date with a pothead stranger from the Internet, but he was so hot I took him home with me. He proceeded to completely fail at getting hard, and halfheartedly got me off with his fingers. Then he blamed his impotence on 3 things: 1. pot, 2. all the masturbation he had done that day, and 3. porn. …

He's right, Patricia. Your post is utter bullshit. I am not a hater of yours at all and I cannot believe what you vomited on this page. Your entire post is written with the impression that no matter what happened 10 years ago, somehow he did something wrong.

There isn't a shred of doubt here, you didn't even remotely…

So are you saying, statistically, he's guilty?

This is complete bullshit. If he didn't rape someone, he should absolutely defend himself. People are raped and it's horrible, but people are also falsely accused and that's also an injustice. These things come down to pure "he said, she said" and that's what makes them so difficult, but an innocent person…

This gif is better when reversed.

If getting a boner while on a boat with a pretty lady is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are women and girls just not supposed to drink and ave a good time now? God forbid they do anything that isn't a sober, rational thought at a whopping 16 years old. Sounds like she had ONE drink, and it was drugged. Maybe we should give you a drink that is drugged and see how you react, being an adult…

Agreed. If there's anything good that comes out of this story, it's that at least I learned that a brave and great and wonderful girl, Jada, exists in this godforsaken cesspool called earth.

This made me spit out my afternoon wine.

GOOD ONE! OMG he looks terrified to be with her.

Billy Corgan/Jessica Simpson

Nicholas Cage and Earthlings.

oversight ALERT :

Pretty sure No Sleep is just another creepypasta forum. They are implicitly fake but users are encouraged to act and react as though they are real. This is a nice one, though.