The other day, my toddler asked to watch "the Homer cartoon". I've never been so proud.

It's inevitable. My daughter is currently obsessed with "American Ninja Warrior" I mean, it's a far cry from Disney anything, but she literally gets out of bed at 5am on weekends to go downstairs and watch back-to-back episodes while mindlessly spooning Cheerios into her mouth until my wife or I get out of bed and…

I hate Kyle. He better get it together now or he is profoundly fucked. My 12 year old stepdaughter asked for a four wheeler for Christmas because her stepdad got one and we sang her our Frozen remix called "Do you want to go to college?" Kyle would've bought the stupid thing and then blamed the outdoor recreation…

Are you a seahorse?

I had 50,000,000 abortions last week. COME AT ME, ANTI-CHOICERS.

I actually know a lot of deeply religious people who support reproductive rights and struggle with reconciling their faith and their political/social beliefs. I think they are absolutely capable of intelligent discourse and have witnessed it many times.

I don't know what imaginary world you live in but I live in a world where cops and prosecutors in the South put black men and children in prison for life for raping white women - and it wasn't that long ago that black men swung from the trees for allegations of raping or merely having sex with white women. It's…

It's not a rape case. No charges were filed. It's not a rape case. No charges were filed.

Cornwell: Here, take this hush money and just go away. After all, your client likes to fuck athletes.

You should fire your writing staff.

Rightfully so. Miss America Kira Kazantsev was kicked out of her Long Island college sorority after a hazing scandal, she admitted it. It shouldn't be defended in any way shape or form, but leave it to the Conservative agenda network. The lady could have robbed a liquor store, been caught on camera and Fox News would…

Hurrah!!!

Internet high five!

I can't believe Fox News defended a Blonde White Woman. I didn't see that one coming.

Is Magic?

My tip, my tip!

damn it, you beat me to it. Well played.

c'mon kiss it, kiss it

still can't hear over all these nothing burgers