looks like shit

They never tasted Granny’s spicy artichoke hearts, I guess.

This is no basis for a system of government....

By the power of GRAY WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or you could live in Canada

Massively-Multiplayer Looter-Shooter and Battle Royale aren’t exactly the same thing. 

“They didn’t believe in you! No one thought you would do it and you proved ALL the haters wrong. He’s too big. He’s too old. His time is up and he’ll never reach as high as he did earlier in his career. And yet, here you are, once again, lighting up the sky. Congrats, big man.”
-Tom Brady, every morning to the sun

This is really cool! Great for people who only have 1 hand or those who like playing Dead or Alive. 

So nobody had seen this yet?

Nah, bro, that flight was one of the canceled ones.

Yeah. Alien being 40 years old freaked me out, but that was always before my time. The Matrix being 20 is what really baked my noodle, though.

And that Uber driver that killed a bunch of people, I mean, those people "consented" to being picked up by that guy. That they didn't "opt out" of being stabbed to death is really on them. 

I bet the Neanderthals showed up and were like, “Can I crash on your slab for a few days, a weeks top..” and just never left.

This was shot by a reader who’d prefer to remain anonymous,

Oh God, that story about the person staring at the sun is nightmare fuel. 

I think you meant to write Warframe. Which is the Terminator of Destiny killers because it managed to go back in time and come out first and still kill it.  

Yeah- they don’t know what was in the $73.59 worth of stuff you got at Target at 8:42 pm. They just know you had a charge, at that merchant, at that location, at that time, in that amount, and Amazon’s not going to start showing you ads for the 30 oz tub of dick lube that you bought because only you, Target, and your…

in other words, this is the royal wii?

Can confirm.

I thought it would end up like this, but I guess I was wrong...