From swimming in meets to swimming in meat.

Witnesses: We were the ones shooting.

Better than the conservative utopia where you just get shot on sight. Oh wait, he's white.....

So, it’s a working... motorcycle.

One of the few irrational fears is being swallowed by a whale. The scene in Finding Nemo where Marlin and Dory are in the whale gave me nightmares (didn’t expect that). This would have sent me over the edge. You would have had to pry me from the highest point on that boat.

Common wisdom says it’s already getting quite a bit of exercise.

They should hold them in Siberia...so the athletes can contract Anthrax

Oh grandpa!

In Russia, Pokemon Go catch's you.

This is why I’m not a zoologist. While others would validate their findings and announce to the world that they have uncovered a whole new species, I would have walked away saying

No video of them peeling the silicone off the legos? That’s 3/4 of the satisfaction.

Exceggsellent.

I’m at the stage where I just assume that every single one at the olympics is doped in one form or another, regardless of nationality. Some are just better at staying ahead of the current drug ban list.

“The wi-fi password. We’re not savages.”

Just rubbing it won’t help; but a lubricant may ease the entry into the anals of science history.

Those who commit suicide via parachute usually spend less time.

20th/21st century pancakes are also kinda racist!

Dry shake, reverse shake, egg whites... this is all sounding like a typical lonely friday night to me.

From that selfie it looks like you enjoyed it :P

The fact that the two GOP frontrunners, if you can call Cruz that, are universally loathed by the party has been the best part of all this. All those years, cultivating ignorant bigoted idiots...finally backfired on them!