Americans pronouncing Panhard... You guys make it sound like a porn name :)

I am insulted.

SE model- you’d have to add in the front/rear parking sensors, but it ticks as many boxes as I think one car would.

This dude sounds delusional, BTW.

Good lord. This guy sounds like an insufferable pain in the ass. He’s offended by names like outback. Doesn’t want stuff that is basically standard equipment now, and has been for a decade. I think I’d rather the Mercedes asshole who wants everyone to know what he drives over this guy’s likely constant bragging about…

Jesus, there are all sorts of conflicting requests on that list. His requests for analog controls pretty much rules out anything with parking assist or a panoramic sunroof (not to mention directly conflicting with his “no driving aids” request.

Absolutely must have:
Sonar parking sensors front and rear (beeping)

I instantly thought of a newer Volvo wagon/crossover. Spec it as closely as possible to what he wants, but he won’t get everything because that list is stupid. Many of the features he seeks come bundled:

Hey can you help me with mine?

analog everything but wants parking sensors and quad zone climate control and no leather. I doubt it exists. hes looking for an F150 lariat. its about the only thing that covers all his bases but I think you can only get them with leather. barring that he would have to get an XLT and option up the climate control. and…

So they must have:

This dude sounds insufferable. I hope he steps on Legos every morning.

Import a Skoda Superb from Europe. I think it nails 99% of those requirements. Premium quality without the premium badge too.

I couldn't make it through the whole list because "no plastic bumpers" doesn't really exist, but the guy sounds like the biggest candidate for a Volvo that I've ever seen. Nice to see those already made his shortlist.(but he's cross-shopping with a Mazda5? Odd. How about a Ford Transit Connect wagon?)

With as retarded of a list of wants as he has, this is the only suitable option.

I hope the classic car market backslides. I couldn’t give a shit about investment or value, I just want to build up a stable of incredibly fun cars before the gubmint takes away our driver’s licenses and makes us drive around in pods. Before a wrench becomes a museum piece. “People used to FIX their own cars folks!”

As a fan of motorsports I cannot, in good faith, criticize horse sports. The very arguments used to disparage the latter are those against which I have to contend while defending my favourite sports. Even though I don’t like horses, they’re just too damn big.

The only riding sport worth following is camel polo. And not that lame ass dromedary bullshit. I’m talking full bactrian. Here you can see my favorite team, the Ulaangom Fightin’ Buuz Eaters, take on the world champion Ulaanbaatar Construction Workers.

Hey, the English have been punching the Irish for hundreds of years, and suddenly now it’s not okay.

That’s a distinction without a difference.