If you turn off the lights and say that into a mirror, the ghost of Milton Berle appears.

"Rearrange the letters in PENIS and you have I ESPN." — @darrenrovell

Teenage drivers are the worst. My money says that he died shortly after uttering the words "hey guys, watch this!"

Random thoughts while watching:

He was surrounded by a pack of cowards who had no business being on the road to begin with. If you want to be treated like a human, act like one.

How incredibly unfortunate...but based solely on their last actions in this world; they're a couple of jerks. While I wouldn't wish murder upon anyone, the world might be a little bit better off with two less people that would shoot each other because of a traffic altercation.

An alternate title for that before-and-after: Lipstick Mistakes Through the Ages

Are you delusional? "Americanizing" probably not as who knows what that means, but as to looking more like a "white" person or one of European descent? Of course it is. The entire dynamic of the procedure is precisely to make the eyes look less asian and more european in shape. That's just an objective observation of…

"Revenge! You crossed me one too many times."

While Cooper admited to having consumed alcohol, he refused to acknowledge that he was "black out" drunk, explaining that his racist beliefs wouldn't allow for that.

They're nuts that go on your truck.

I will fight every non-virgin at this Comic-Con, bro.

Here's Riley Cooper...being a racist hillbilly at a Kenny Chesney concert.

What are, "Things you would never say in an NFL locker room."

That's like threatening to fight every heterosexual at a Melissa Etheridge concert.

That's going to make his locker room gang-rape super awkward.

185 this morning.

And the vast majority of Americans will simply shrug and state "I'm fine with it" and immediately return to posting how many cheerios they had for breakfast on Facebook, on their smartphone.

Not only did trains used to drive down the Goddamn street, mother fuckers used to ride on top of these Goddamn trains.

Terrifying wood shards aside, it still pleases me a great deal that we launch multi-million dollar ships by basically hurling them at the sea.