"She tried to blame it on a block of feta she had sitting out on her bed."

I'm pretty sure I've told this story on Jez before but it bears repeating. This woman was certainly not the worst flatmate I've ever had (actually she was a sweetheart) but she was by far the most unusual. She didn't speak a lot of English, so the week I went home to visit my mum I took great pains to explain to her…

The Roommate Who Never Leaves is my biggest pet peeve.

What's super hilarious about it is that funeral directors look sharp, but we sure as shit don't make a lot of money. That visa he's aching to get a gander of is full up trying to buy the suits that make him hit on me. A weird, sad cycle.

It's like Nickelback's music, people keep buying it.

About six years ago I met up with this weird vegan dude at a sleazy dive bar just across the river from my apartment. He looked nothing like his profile picture and had a collection of some of the worst goddamn tattoos I have ever scene.

Eh. One person's "romantic" is another person's "obsessive psychotic".

The little paper clip bounced out and said, "It looks like you are trying to create an online dating proposal. Would you like help?"

*that's not how math works, George Carlin*

I managed to stay good untill the "And there's teh Butt back mount" and I cracked up, but then I absolutely lost my shit at the "ghost thats been haunting the arena".

Wow it looks beautiful. I wish I could play it like that but where's the dialogue whe- wait... what's that?

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO FELT THIS WAY!!!! I. Can't. Stand the word "empowerment." Can't. Can't. Can't. Part of this is personal because I'm 21 and still a virgin, so am I not empowered? Do I have to hook-up to be empowered? How many blow jobs do I have to give in order to be a strong woman? WHAT IS THE…

I once checked the GWB page and found nothing but a picture of a gorilla.

I think you're misinterpreting a lot.

That's not cheating, those games are supposed to be played by soulless machines.

Those are direct costs.

I went to Medieval Times last night and sat in the green knight's section. He lost to the yellow knight in the first round of jousting. I booed, but now realize that the appropriate action would have been to riot.

I changed my avatar to Connor from that game that shall not be named. Let's see what happens.

"The purpose of government assistance is not to provide low wage workers for businesses."