Black people can play hockey just fine. Basketball players, on the other hand, can not.

What? One of your precious NBA players isn't a super-duper star at every single thing he does in life? I'm shocked.

He'd have been out of hockey in less than a week. Basketball players don't have the physical fortitude to play hockey. The "'bos under the hoop" you hear basketball players talk so much about as a sign off their toughness are nothing compared to getting leveled by someone flying full speed across the ice.

Gone to any fast-food joints lately? Almost without exception, I can say no one working at any of them deserves any sort of raise whatsoever. Going to get fast-food is pretty much as expensive as going to a sit down restaurant, the food is obviously not as good, but at least it should be fast, right?

Sometimes there's no accounting for bad taste. Case in point: all of American pop culture.

Ask San Jose what having won three games in a series gets you.

I think what he really needs to do is find himself a brand new lover...

I'm sure this is the only issue that the U.S. Government is slow to react in changing its policy on. I'm sure it's entirely because they're "homophobic" and not because it's a bloated bureaucracy full of people who want to do as little as they can possibly do yet still collect a paycheck and benefits.

Oh. Another negative hockey article on Deadspin. In the middle of the NHL playoffs. What's the matter, your LeBron James iOS app not working this morning so you had time to "write" this shit?

Erin...how DARE you question in the LEAST bit Jones's (it is only one Jones we are discussing here, correct?) right to make whatever joke she wishes in whatever forum she chooses? Your white privilege is reeking right about now...

I think these ladies might disagree...

Clearly this couldn't have been the only beaver on display in Beaverton!

I require education. Why is it that Beyonce is revered as some sort of goddess here, but I see a lot of cracking on Mariah Carey? I don't understand the difference. My biggest pet peeve with Carey was the shrieking she insisted on doing in every damn song of hers that ever got played on the radio, but I was under the…

I thought basketball fans got ALL THE PUSSY?!? Because basketball is so fucking awesome...it just makes the girls all dripping wet in their lady parts and hot for the cock.

Well. THAT would have taught all those evil fans who paid for their tickets and showed up to see the game...

Because there's way too much negativity going on associated with Deadspin's beloved NBA, they have to talk trash about the NHL to make up for it.

No. It was most certainly not THE MAN keeping topless pictures of Rihanna inaccessible. No (straight) man passes up a chance to see boobs. You know what they say, "You've seen one pair of boobs, you want to see them all".

Go hockey, or something?

I tried to get Kerbal Space Program with no success as well.

Why was this kid in the presentation anyhow? Apparently, the target audience was young women. I don't see what the benefit was for him or any of the other young men in the school to attend this talk.