When someone says “life begins at conception”, try to nail them down on when conception is. Is it when the sperm and egg’s membranes fuse? Because more than 1 spermatozoon can fuse membranes. Is it when the proteases open the way through the protein layer of the egg and the oocyte’s biochemistry changes in such a way…

Actually if I left it alone, outside of my uterus, it actually won't turn into much of anything now will it?

As someone who will use the men’s bathroom when the line for the women’s is too long I can say with certainty that public facilities for either sex are pretty much equally disgusting. Let’s do away with bathroom gender an focus on a public campaign to shame people who pee all over the seat.

How is babby formed?

Where I come from, any daddy issues a man might have are blamed on him being raised by too many women and either being a mama’s boy or having a mama who’s too weak to teach him how to be a real man/ discipline him. So don't blame the parent that left, blame the one who stayed, because that makes sense.

The future Mrs. C and I are forgoing a cake and have decided on wedding doughnuts instead. It’s cheaper, they’re dairy free (the future Mrs. can’t digest it, would not be a fun wedding night), there’s a great fancy doughnut place right by the venue, and goddamnit, doughnuts are awesome!

Exactly. Immigration is a nightmare system. Custody is a nightmare system. Domestic violence legal proceedings are a nightmare system. The trifecta of horrible situations.

“we’re trying to have a goddam society here” — I love this so much.

Forget the ridiculous third reason for a moment. Why do there seem to be so many otherwise intelligent people who don’t seem to understand that the vast majority of the time it’s not appropriate to act on your sexual impulses? Literally everyday of the week I work with and walk by women that I am attracted to,…

I used to do the same thing during the era of little or no checked baggage fees (remember those halcyon days?), back when you didn’t have 85% of passengers on a given flight cramming bags into overhead bins. Now you see more people trying to limit their gear to carry-ons in order to avoid charges, and she who boards…

By the same token, I don’t understand why people think pictures of children are something shameful that need to hidden away. The world doesn’t need to see the great majority of pictures posted on Facebook, and most people don’t choose whether or not to post photos of themselves, their families, and their lives on…

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name [...], and forgive us our Franzening, as we forgive those who Franzen against us...”

Or like, when you put a fast-food sweet tea in the fridge and forget about it and the paper cup loses its structural integrity and it leaks into a big puddle and OH SHIT you didn’t know that plastic bag encasing your loaf of white bread from the grocery’s bakery department had little holes in the bottom. AND THEN you…

“Yep, the NRA pretty much has me by the short n’ curlies!”

I really really REALLY want this to become a regular feature. There’s enough commenters that I think we could swing it for a while.

Also I am still waiting on Eggplant Friday. Why is that not a feature yet?