I don't even like to go to concerts for reasons I could go on and on about. And then people are like: Yo, want to go to this insanely long hopped up concert where the bathroom situation is somehow even shittier? I'd rather stick my labia in a panini press.

I bought a jar of it a few weeks ago and after the initial novelty wore off I was like "now what am I going to do with all this cookie butter?" Now any food I hear about I am like "Can I put cookie butter on that?"

I was thinking the same thing: Retta seems like such a genuinely enthusiastic person.

Tie between Maya Rudolph and Retta just because I don't realistically think Tina Fey/Amy Poehler would want the job. A gal can dream.

1. Love her
2. Is she not sweating in that sweater? You've got to be pretty boss to perform in front of so many people and be like, whatever, I'll wear this comfy sweater in case I get nippy.

Or my personal favorite Lise Meitner :(

I don't have a microwave right now, but I wish I did because nothing revives a day-old baguette or bagel better. I even prefer my left-over pizza microwaved versus toasted. COME AT ME.

We share the same opinion toward make-up sponges!

Y'all I am not looking forward to a presidential run by Hillary for selfish reasons. Don't get me wrong, I would happily welcome her presidency but I just know her run is going to inspire jamokes to crawl out from the woodwork and sprout insidiously sexist bullshit. More than usual, I mean. 2012 nearly broke me with…

And in case you're wondering, at least once every other week I have to wake him up from the floor of the shower. So "naps" is not some kind of cover-up for wankin' it.

It's a moot point because the SO takes longer than me ALWAYS. He takes naps in the shower (NAPS!) He's in there an hour every morning. Before we leave anywhere he inevitably has to take a shit just as we're walking out and that will take him on average 30-40 minutes. At least when I'm in the bathroom I mean business.…

Personal reason: My friend was a waitress at a mexican restaurant in college and was serving a group who took pictures with her and filmed her bringing them their drinks, pouring shots, etc. Turns out they were filming for a softcore porn. Poor girl found out like two years later through a casual acquaintance who told…

In my experience Mainers also share a love for simple foods with Midwesterners. Once, I suggested going to Chipotle and my Mainer classmate responded "Oh, I don't know about that ethnic food. Isn't it spicy?" I make a lot of curry dishes and they are just appalled by the mere appearance of my lunches.

What do you say to my personal favorite Rhode Island Clam Chowder? Rhode Island: No. 1 in potholes and clam chowder!

The Irish (my mom's heritage) have a reputation for terrible cuisine, I heard it all the time growing up, but then nobody made a big deal when we went to Dad's Scandanavian family parties and literally everything was pickled or cured or combo of the two and the bread as dark as night and the sting of horseradish…

Not my experience but it would be a disservice if I didn't contribute two of my favorites

We had done pretty much everything but the ol' P-in-V so we planned it and made a nice evening out of it. I was so excited.

We never had many Barbies but my sister and I had a plethora of Beanie Babies and boy did those little bastards get around. Real soap opera stuff: Divorces, same sex romances, amnesia, double-crosses, ménage a trois, illnesses both sudden and chronic, sex changes, nazis, zombies, illegitimate children (played by the…

Reading these comments makes me realize two things: a.) A lot of parents seemed to not want to purchase Ken dolls (Did they think it was going to prevent all this risque behavior? Clearly not. It made things much weirder.) b.) Those who had Kens tended to be mutilated and/or naked all the time.

She was also my style icon.

"It's like they took the roof off a Tory Burch store and emptied it into this apartment."<——DREAM