Car sex just doesn't work for me. I need a yacht or a jumbo jet. If a car is the only available space for some reason, you're getting road head and then you're driving me to Taco Bell.

The dispatcher was actually influenced by the lesser known honey badger moon. It causes one to not give a fuck.

...And Where to Buy Them.

Are You Asking For It?: 24 Outfits Judges Ruled As Cause of Sexual Assault

10 Fabulous Vacation Destinations That Won't Make You Wait

7 Signs He's Just Not That Into Your Reproductive Health

5 Hot Abortion Tricks That Will Stimulate His Legislation

Photoshopping freaks me out

As my two naked toddlers just fell off the bed, where I was letting them jump around while I dick around on my phone...

I love this. I don't even know why. It's like TRON meets figure skating.

Funny, because I long ago diagnosed HIM as a colon polyp.