Seriously, I’ve been watching too much House of Cards and I’m scared someone’s gonna Frank Underwood this national treasure.
Kdigital
Kdigital
This dude has verified Twitter account. I think that’s my favorite part.
If Cruz were to somehow win the nomination and then somehow win the White House I’m sure the first order of business: assassinate Craig Mazin.
According to him, this had it’s benefits. He got invited to all the cool parties by upperclassmen because they felt bad for him (and I expect because he was entertaining as hell on the subject). Also the girls in the dorm would come to him to come to him to complain about Cruz creepily lurking outside their rooms in a…
Alluding to Cruz’s compulsive masturbation was an especially sweet burn.
You know this is so cathartic. That whole time he was just loathing Ted Cruz and storing up all this anger and resentment and now: Voila. Take that Ted! Never forget Ted! Craig finally, finally gets to let it all out and mess with Cruz on a national forum. I, for one, am just glad I get to watch it all unfold.
I would settle for a regular appearance on Samantha Bee’s Full Frontal.
He is a DILDO GRINCH!
I was gagging at the idea of Cruz jerking it, but that Zodiac Killer tweet slayed me dead. It’s my favorite political rumor ever.
*HAPPENIS*
Between his stance on abortion and this position on dildos Cruz is dangerously underestimating the trollop voting bloc. I really want to make bumper stickers that say “I’m an irredeemable slut, and I vote.”
Thought he studied the Constitution?
HELLO THE *PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS*!
I have had a number of deep belly laughs in the past couple days and they have all been courtesy of some fairly dark humor (satanic masturbation, religious freedom for florists, etc.). I have to thank Craig for adding to that because, after all, laughter is the best medicine.
I feel like Craig needs to be sent some wine or other beverage of his choice. The guy had to live with Ted Cruz. We didn’t.
Meanwhile, back at the Cruz camp....
GET THIS MAN A SHOW!!!!! FUCKING STAT!!!!!
Stuff like this almost makes me want to have a Twitter account
ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!