Ahhh, thank you! Not an eating disorder but very well disordered eating. Thanks for putting that into such concise words!

Thanks for the info! And I love your thoughts on clothes being for bodies, not bodies being for clothes. So great. Maybe sewing will be in my future, I've never thought about being able to make/alter my clothes as an alternative to trying to force my body into stuff that refuses to fit. Thanks!

Ah, yess, it's all so interconnected. Thanks for your thoughts! I'm sorry you go through that, but it's incredibly heartening to know I'm not alone.

OH MY GOD! 25 years of internalizing impossible beauty standards have been erased! Thank you, Flare!

Oh really? I had no idea. Actually that does make me feel better. As someone who avoids shopping because of said reminders that my body is somehow bad, I've never learned these things. But I do remember this experience from nearly 2 years ago, and now feel a bit better, so thanks for that. Though of course I should…

Yeah, that's totally what I was trying to put into words - "if you aren't like, in a hospital with your hair falling out, you must be okay and healthy." I also wonder about the guide posts for anorexia and if we all actually have it.

Yaaaas. Well said. He also is flummoxed at why I eat such a smaller portion than him when we are surprisingly close to the same size for hetero couple - he's 4 inches and 20 pounds heavier than me so thinks we're about the same. In a perfect world, maybe. Even after living together for years I have to constantly…

Sometimes I look at men while waiting for the train and just think...do you not worry about your body? The way you hold yourself makes it look like you don't give a shit. You have a little pudge and you're not even trying to hide it. You don't care. Because you know no else does. What does that FEEL like? What is it…

Thanks for sharing this. Depression is so hard to talk about, I can't even honestly say I have it to my partner of 4 years. For me too, it causes me to eat less...I think it's a "I don't even deserve to eat this" sort of thing. And people told me I looked great. I'm also pale naturally and was even paler from never…

So true. You can never win!

Come to Milwaukee! We get the same amount of bullshit media messages as everyone else but people here are surprisingly more accepting (to some degree) and we definitely haven't caught onto the whole salads and vegetable thing. Which is a problem (even our nicest restaurants serve pretty unhealthy food) but no one, let…

I'm so sorry you have had those experiences! And still are. It's interesting how it changes with location. I'm from the midwest where people are a *tiny* bit more relaxed about body standards, but I went to San Francisco last summer and walked into a vintage shop and the woman immediately said "oh I've got the…

Hmm. Great point about exercise, thank you. And in terms of the athletic thing, a friend of mine had this picture of a woman with abs and the words "strong is the new skinny" as the background on her phone and it drove me insane - we don't NEED a new skinny! And notice how there's still no fat. So not only can you not…

I sometimes wonder how many women actually have eating disorders and if I do, but it's just soooooo normalized that we don't even realize it? I'm not talking about throwing up or starving yourself, the very clear and dangerous sorts, but just the sort that is constantly denying, worrying, judging...but we've been…

I am right there with you on this. I work out every day during my lunch hour and some days go back after work or to a yoga class, I'm muscular and have little fat but it's like "I wanna just be skinny!" I've actually been thinking my calves are getting too muscular. Which is like wtf? My legs gain muscle quickly, in…

I am right there with you on this. I work out every day during my lunch hour and some days go back after work or to a yoga class, I'm muscular and have little fat but it's like "I wanna just be skinny!" I've actually been thinking my calves are getting too muscular. Which is like wtf? My legs gain muscle quickly, in…

So true. My (male) partner sometimes says he's amazed how little food I "need." Finally I sort of snapped and said "You know that I could actually eat a lot more, right? But that I've internalized some kind of value I get by being a size 4 and am terrified to lose that? That I've worked hard to train my stomach to be…

What is this book? Would you recommend it?

THIS!!! A few years ago I decided the only image-focused compliment I would give to my female friends would be "you look so healthy/vibrant/happy" and nothing about looking "good" or "pretty" or "thin" or anything like that. It's a small thing but it feels good to be taking a personal action against the idea of women…

There is a documentary that has helped me a TON with this stuff. It's called Hungry for Change and I watched with my food anthropologist partner, it's very rich white people-focused, about how we all need to eat more vegetables and stuff, but towards the end there is this wild shift into the psychology of eating and…