Neckbeard is a derogatory term for like, unkempt nerds. You are correct. Egregious misuse of the word neckbeard. Minus 15 points from Gryiffindor.

Handy *snatching*

Sorry, I just think Khloe is flawless. She's the best Kardashian, IMO

Based on groundbreaking, cutting edge research we've recently determined that that would be considered "incredigay".

Please tell me it's this one.

dear margaritas,

Dear Vodka,

We would have run out of money eventually anyway.

Vodka here. How can you turdknockers even consider margaritas over me? Don't you appreciate all the hard times I've gotten you through? Plastic bottles of the cheap shit in college, to your secret stash of grey goose in the freezer for that rough day - I've always been there for you ingrates! What has margarita done…

I would wear the newsprint leggings.

You could easily swap out the horrifically-disgusting Caesar for something not nearly as vomit-inducing, like, say, Ipecac.

"I was going to pick PBR but it looks like someone else already voted for it."

"In 1517, the Mercers' guild complained that many of their apprentices 'have greatly mysordered theymself', spending their masters' money on 'harlotes… dyce, cardes and other unthrifty games.'

Or perhaps Ms. Kardashian is some kind of fame-blackhole, and she sucks up the images of those around her. Instead of the camera stealing her soul, she steals the soul of those who try to capture her. It would explain a great deal, actually...

Antiques. All antiques, all over the place.

I been around! I think. Sometimes I smoke too much and just talk to the screen and forget to actually respond.

My husband had a hamster that he named after his mother. She ate her own babies. Monsieur is still haunted by the sound.

Mother/Mama's little helper is Valium.

I've actually had some really quality moonshine, made by people who owned enough land to have their own distillery. That aspect made it seem a lot less daring.
My grandmother, who was in college during prohibition has far better illicit alcohol stories...

part of me is skeeved out that brandy v moonshine is like a total class war, but i don't want to ingest methanol, so i guess i have to go with brandy. but so help me god, if i see any of you wearing a monocle, god himself won't be able to help you. (i don't care if it's 'ironic'!)