I cannot imagine a cat putting up with that shit for one second.

For a while there, there was that “last gasp of fertility” thing where you get two periods a month.

We stopped 4 guys from taking a drunken colleague “upstairs for a drink” in a hotel lobby. I was like “where do you think you’re going? I know a gang bang when I see one. (colleagues name) get your ass over here” I barked it really loud, heads turned. And she was drunk off her ass and could hardly walk. So fucking…

Unless the bartender is in on it. We had a bartender in my city get arrested after he was forced to take his three year old to the hospital. His child had ingested, from his home fridge, water from a bottle in the fridge that was actually just a roofie-type substance the bartender/dad was offering, for a fee, to…

I was super lucky that my mom is kinda paranoid. Before I went off to college, a loooooong time ago she warned me about this very thing. Her other advice: don’t go upstairs, downstairs or anywhere alone with anyone at a Frat party/house party.

Nothing says “trust me alone in a strange place” like railing at a stranger.

I’m pretty sure this is what all the latin on my college diploma says when translated.

God only knows. If someone could have figured out how to fry a jello salad they've have made so much money.

The term salad was very open to interpretation back then.

not when I get to her house she won’t

I try to pay my bills with sexual favors but they all turn me down :(

The only person involved in this mess i have any sympathy for is the poor three year old.

You should sue. I know a lawyer who works pro bono.

If this shady af PI saw this misconduct in 2008, why is he only piping up 8 years later?

My mom keeps saying when are your cats going to do anything cute that will make them internet famous.

I wear dresses, leggings, and flats because they are easier to put on. A couple of months ago my coworker asked if I constantly wore dresses as a “religious thing” which I found odd because the dresses I wear aren’t very conservative. Her eyebrows reached a new level when I explained that I do it because it is…

I had no idea that straight men existed who cared about this.

I would tell him he’s welcome to give me a daily manicure, otherwise he is welcome to shut his damn mouth.

There is NOTHING worse than being the only/one of few sober person(s) in a room of drunken idiots. Nothing.

That said, I maintain that we are due for a revival of the 1970s trend to put all things in jello/aspic. (Although some might argue that trend never died in the Midwest, since they haven’t met a food they couldn’t cover in frizzled onions or submerge in jello). I just really want to have a party where I make a wide…