Hello. Single male here. Marry me. Ignore this article, and say yes to the dress.

You just gotta find good little Ukrainian, Polish or Russian delis. I've got three on the main road leading to my neighborhood and it is fantastic. There's a bunch more in the next town over.

I don't know what makes her more naive, that she didn't suspect him of cheating or that she actually expects him to read that entire letter.

CHESAPEAKE BAY OYSTERS FOREVER MOTHERFUCKERRRRR

I won't hate you for most of these, actually, but borscht?! Are you for seriously, bro?! Borscht is delicious! (Also—does the collective Jewish community know that one of its own doesn't like borscht?!)

FUCK THAT OYSTERS ARE AMAZING

You've just ruined cum for everybody.

To The Husband Who Left Me For His Intern

So glad once again that I moved from NYC to New Orleans. Life is essentially a bottomless brunch here.

Sultah, I'm not viking the tone of your comment.

Norway you could even come up with another...

Ok...no more puns. I'm Finish'd

This is especially Scandalnavian given she is rumored to be so Swedish on her son.

What do you call it when a Norwegian Mom criticizes her underachieving Olympian son? Scandal-navia.

Can you imagine the frustration of sacrificing four years of your life in pursuit of your dream to be the best in the world, only to have all that sacrifice and progress rendered moot by an uncooperative, Russian winter?

That's why I practice catch and release.

Demancaveification is a HUGE one. Habitat loss is definitely the biggest factor in the population dive. I recently joined an environmental group dedicated to creating protected mancave reserves to protect the husbands we have left, and hopefully get the population to increase.

I would go husband hunting, but hunting licenses have been really hard to get ever since the local husband population was decimated by chick flicks and demancaveification.

That's all I have for this.

These two are the most Russian Russians to ever Russia. I love them. #neverchange