Our neighbor across the street has NRA slogans plastered all over every inch of their trucks.

They forget where their guns are. It’s almost the entire reason so many toddlers shoot themselves.

I have an indoors only cat now. (After years and years of indoor/outdoor cats on a farm.) Does it suck having to be careful the cat never gets out? Yep! But so does cleaning up vomit or emptying the litter box. Some of the responsibilities of keeping a pet stink. Literally and metaphorically. But that’s just part…

At first you think, “these maternity clothes are a scam! Why would a pay for clothes I’m only going to wear a few months anyway?

Yeah, I have zero worries eating morels because absolutely nothing looks like them that grows in the same region at the same time of year. 

Well, not sleeping again tonight....

You can definitely get lucky and feed the baby before rage screaming. HOWEVER, babies being babies, sometimes they go from asleep to I AM DYING OF HUNGER in about 2 seconds. Or you try to feed baby before the big even but they’re too tired or distracted or cranky to get a good meal in, so they just get hangry 15…

Yep. The heart attack signs for women are so useless it hurts. Extreme fatigue, disturbed sleep, a stomach ache, sense of fucking impending doom?  Sounds like being a god damned woman in the year 2018 to me. 

It’s no coincidence that we have a large increase in accidental car deaths now that children are in car seats, in the back seat, and now rear-facing until at least two years old in many states. The parents can’t see or interact as much with them, and they’re more likely to fall asleep.

Some folks are saying the parents should just order from the kids menu if it’s a common item like mac and cheese. But they’re missing a crucial factor - timing. Food almost never comes out fast enough for toddlers at a restaurant. If your choice is between letting the lady feed her kid, or the kid screaming their head…

I’m honestly surprised it isn’t already. “We’ve been forced into this tragic but necessary cost-saving measure by the evil forces of Obamacare! But don’t worry about YOUR healthcare in an emergency. Responsible consumers are now eligible to receive medical-chips from their insurance company that emergency personnel…

Yeah, I’m not going to blame the store. What are they supposed to do with a raging gunman stalking their parking lot when the police clearly won’t stop him?  

Who wants to bet the first lady from the week before wasn’t really shoplifting either?

Yep, this. I’ve got a big butter section in my fridge door, might as well get unsalted for cooking and salted for serving. 

Listened to an interesting podcast last year featuring women from Emily’s List and She Should Run, and part of it was the huge institutional barriers to Women Republicans. (Might have been Call Your Girlfriend? Hard to remember)

The baby headphones seem to be popular with a lot of celebrity parents. I imagine if you’re at sports venues / shows / etc a lot, they probably come in very handy and protect their kid’s hearing to boot. 

I keep saying SOMEONE needs to make a grocery store with a Smaland. I would shop nowhere else ever again. 

Yeah, where I grew up the local river was so contaminated by industrial waste that all the vegetation was dead three feet up the bank. Nobody learned to swim unless they had the money for private lessons from a pool. 

Dude, the guy who shot up Sandy Hook did it because his mother worked there.  He killed her too, by the way. 

Okay. Cool.