I’m honestly surprised it isn’t already. “We’ve been forced into this tragic but necessary cost-saving measure by the evil forces of Obamacare! But don’t worry about YOUR healthcare in an emergency. Responsible consumers are now eligible to receive medical-chips from their insurance company that emergency personnel…

Yeah, I’m not going to blame the store. What are they supposed to do with a raging gunman stalking their parking lot when the police clearly won’t stop him?  

Who wants to bet the first lady from the week before wasn’t really shoplifting either?

Yep, this. I’ve got a big butter section in my fridge door, might as well get unsalted for cooking and salted for serving. 

Listened to an interesting podcast last year featuring women from Emily’s List and She Should Run, and part of it was the huge institutional barriers to Women Republicans. (Might have been Call Your Girlfriend? Hard to remember)

The baby headphones seem to be popular with a lot of celebrity parents. I imagine if you’re at sports venues / shows / etc a lot, they probably come in very handy and protect their kid’s hearing to boot. 

I keep saying SOMEONE needs to make a grocery store with a Smaland. I would shop nowhere else ever again. 

Yeah, where I grew up the local river was so contaminated by industrial waste that all the vegetation was dead three feet up the bank. Nobody learned to swim unless they had the money for private lessons from a pool. 

Dude, the guy who shot up Sandy Hook did it because his mother worked there.  He killed her too, by the way. 

Okay. Cool.

Not great. And they mostly work by poisoning you.

I’ve been fucked over waaaay too many times by airlines and weather/scheduling/computer failures/etc to trust airlines enough to split up the family.

What happens when one parent’s flight makes it but the other juuuust misses their connection and won’t get there until six hours later, at the earliest?  I’d much rather…

Justice Kennedy, I wish you a long and healthy retirement. I want you to shock your doctors with how healthy and cognizant you are well past your hundredth birthday.

Lady, you want the kid selling water to pipe down, take $60 downstairs, buy the whole case off of her, and ask her to take the rest of the day off.

It shouldn’t matter, but in all fairness, timely use of that medication is even more essential for someone in the middle of a miscarriage, as the longer you have a dead fetus in you, the more danger you are in.

Too much Botox to show emotion. 

I was going to make a joke that “well, someone has to design the handmaid and wife outfits!” but this designer obviously isn’t up to the task. 

They feel like they can guilt-free fuck liberals, because they’re all heathens living in sin anyway.

Technically, you can make any object with a dark interior into a (classic) camera. Ever do this gradeschool science projects of turning a cardboard box or coffee can into a camera?  

Also the black allclad pots and pans, to my extreme dismay. They must be made of something different these days or dishwashers are different, because my mom’s black pots went through her dishwasher a million times. But when I bought one for myself, I ruined the finish the first day in my dishwasher.