🎼🎤 “Be-lieve it or not / Jeff isn’t at home / Please leave a message / At the beep / I must be out / Or I’d pick up the phone / Where can I be? / Believe it or not I’m not home”

“OK Josh, here are Andrew’s MRIs....”

Some other kids are just annoying pissants.

Some babies are just good, you can take them anywhere and they sleep when you put them down and they giggle all the time and when dad has to grab the Lombardi trophy you can hand them off to their boss without worrying if they’ll thrown a scream fit. Clearly this is one of those babies.

He hung out with shitheads who got in an argument that escalated and turned deadly. He had no part in the killing and shouldn’t have been charged with murder in the first place. In the end, he copped a plea to what he did do (obstruct justice), and the two morons were acquitted on basis of self-defense. He settled…

As a Minnesotan who loves fishing to an unhealthy degree: ice fishing fucking sucks and nobody should do it.

Dammit, I should have checked to see if anyone else said this first.

Bill Paxton - True Lies

God, that man was an artist, RIP Sweet Prince.

Idiot. You’re supposed to yell “NOONAN!” at that point in his swing.

I’ve taken off my shoes on every flight over 6hr, and occasionally used the restroom in this state.

there will be adult games:

Of course everybody brings their own dice. Nobody touches my dice.

Seriously... it looked like he barely nicked him. Get over yourself Garbrandt. JCVD is way cooler than you’ll ever be.

Someone needs to train him on how to run.

In the wild, one most often encounters “I believe I have a special skill that will allow me to make money regardless of what I look like, but I will actually earn minimum wage for the rest of my life.”

That’s some drums-in-the-deep level referencing there.

As with most large neck tattoos, I think it means either:

Frank Dux also claims to have been there, and to have kicked everyone’s ass.

I would have settled for this