he’s a cunt, and i don’t wanna hear him talk unless he does have taylor swift tickets, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Add permanent offsides lines to each half of a soccer field (ala hockey blue lines) instead of arbitrary mobile lines that make watching soccer frustrating and low-scoring. That and actually enforce flopping penalties.

Here's a secret: Men's basketball and football are already 30 team shows.

I knew you wouldn't disappoint.

Well, I think you should! Just to be in keeping with the rest of us.*

That last paragraph was great! Uber will PR spin the shit out of everything to not have to answer for their shitty business practices.

Well, there you had to go and be the voice of reason/factual information.

That is one brave button. Hold fast, little guy!

I find this outfit hideous and yet it does nothing to diminish Rihanna's hotness.

I'm didn't understand a lot of this Dirt Bag. But I am also really high. Sundays, amirite?

Ed O'Neill will always be Al Bundy to me.

Good, I hope he wins! Mostly because that's an awesome way to get a million dollars. "Another round of drinks for the bar, on me. Just spreading around that sweet, sweet Bieber Egged Me money." It would be cooler if he was poor, though. If he's a Bieber neighbor (Belabor?) I'm sure he's already doing all right…

Just tell everyone that you got the "Terminator Option."

Buy all of our Corvette™ playsets and accessories to complete your ultimate Corvette™ experience*!

Good God.

Attendance at Astros games is just fucking soaring.

I'm pretty sure that's just Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio.

Buy This Brand New Corvette Z51 For Half Price, With A Slight SCratch

That email address should probably find its way to the still going strong "2014 Deadspin March Madness" email chain.

When the opinion involves telling someone else what to do with their body? Yeah, that's a problem.