Oooookay;

You're quoting a book whose author admitted he was lying. No, forty percent of NBA players do not have records.

I wouldn't call the people who vote for him "white people." I'd call them "assholes."

I'm thinking he has.

You can tell this is fiction because no one has ever masturbated thinking about Shia LeBeouf.

"Gainsbourg's character begins to cry while having sex with Shia LaBeouf's penis, and then screams, "I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING. I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING. I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING.""

I like to think that by summing up all of the gossip mags, Jez actually prevents a lot of people from going out and buying them, since they can just read the info online. Plus Jez probably spends $20 total a week on them, which is the tiniest drop in the bucket.

Hysterical? Bell has more composure than I would have had:

My tolerance for "hearing out the other side" goes down reaaaally quickly when they start throwing around gender-biased words like "hysterical" to describe the woman calling them out.

Before watching this I'd like to say that Dax's face in the still frame of the video does not look like someone I'd want to fuck with.

"Lena Dunham is interviewed, and she says that if she could have anyone guest-star on Girls she would pick Gloria Steinem or Daniel Day-Lewis."

Lena, you're even more delusional than I ever imagined. Gloria Steinem? Not an actress/too big an icon to go slumming with you. If you contacted Daniel Day-Lewis, he would fret…

Ellen recently made a public statement about she didn't know her and Portia were getting divorced until she read about it in the tabloids... and that she was sad to find out that she is getting divorced.

Did she seriously wear that to court? Wonder what that outfit cost. It also appears that she hired someone to do her hair and makeup.

Do not feel sorry for these people. They committed fraud and then decided to appear on national television, flaunting their apparent wealth. They continued to make paid appearances while awaiting their sentencing. They are scum.

I'm not hopeful that anything will happen. They'll each serve like 30 days and Bravo will give them their own spinoff show focusing on what their life is like as convicted felons.

A couple of years in prison for wire fraud, bankruptcy fraud and tax evasion all while mocking others with their ill gotten gains on national television? If they would have been Jane and Joe Sixpack, they would have spent the better part of 20 years in a cell.

Honestly, they don't deserve anyone's empathy or sympathy. Forty-six months and deportation is nothing compared to the sentences doled out to people with fewer connections.

The tables are bolted down where you are going, sweetness!

My home births were, by far, healthier and more calm than any hospital could have provided. The midwife I used, who owns a local birthing center, has rights at two hospitals. She also works with an on/gyn for women with complications, having multiples or wanting a vbac (all which must be delivered in a hospital). If…