This is the most important article Jezebel has written all week.

Wait, so I wasn't supposed to eat those Irish babies? Fuuuuuuu

Hey assholes, the "no photography" sign on the door applies to police as well. If you want to be able to easily identify dancers then use fucking fingerprints! There's free apps for smart phones that can identify fingerprints for fuck sake, there's no reason to use any other method.

I don't know. I think the fact that Patton's asshattery has led to Princeton doubling down on their support of sexual assault victims can only be a good thing.

Once again poor, weird, underdeveloped Winnie the Bish — the New Girl character who actually wants to be a cop — gets left in the dust.

I think it'd be easy to criticize the school but, in fairness, I think we all remember that bit in the bible when Jesus, dying on the cross, says "One last thing before I go, remember to be complete and total dicks to innocent little kids whenever you have the chance. Peace out, losers."

This is slightly off topic, but I have celiac and am gluten free 4 life. I constantly have people tell me that things like pasta, bread or cake don't have any wheat in them because they are made of flour.

Ah yes, fish. The weirdest and most ethnic of foods.

Exactly! Wash a pot AND a mug? Are you TRYING to hold women back?

Want very fast hot chocolate? Sure, use a microwave. Or put it on a stove, you lazy asshole.

It means you can't win.

Naturally skinny person here. Some of us are naturally skinny. Therefore I would never write a book or blog or anything on "How to stay fit" or write something to the effect of "I am thin, why aren't you?". It's like a person born wealthy writing a book on "How to Succeed in life". This woman is an asshole and…

Either this is satire, or this is the most laughably stupid comment I've ever received on these.

From Juan Pablo's Wikipedia: "Galavis and his former girlfriend, Venezuelan actress Carla Rodriguez, have a daughter, Camila.^[4][6][16] He is currently dating Nikki Ferrell, whom he met on season 18 of The Bachelor. However he does not love her.^[17]"

They all want the bad boys....

In your defense, that's it precisely: LOOK at him! My god, the sexiness level is blinding!

He and Tilda Swinton should be cast as siblings.

How dare people want to not live in poverty! Who do they think they are?!

What horrible things did Arizona ever do to deserve her?

She has a point. That's exactly how other entertainment industries works. The Seahawks all retired when they won the Super Bowl, Beyoncé will never make another album since she broke all those records, and tom hanks hasn't been in a movie since "Big."