Three Ivy League schools and no ability to use punctuation or capitalise 'I'. *sigh*

Here's what I love about this season - the older ladies! Kathy Bates, Jessica Lange, Frances Conroy, Angela Bassett, Patti LuPone . . .

But is it gluten-free?

I'm trying to eat low carb. According to this, I can still suck (*swallow) 1,818 dicks a day and not exceed my 20g of carbs. Good to know.

Not bad, but nothing will ever beat this, my favorite condom commercial ever. Or, just favorite commercial, period.

The Maya Angelou thing cracks me up, the "it was an act of whimsy" makes me lose it ever time.

It's the line about having the "guts" to go through birth without any interventions that makes this too smug for me. Isn't the goal Get The Baby Out Safely? I'd bet if push came to shove, she'd be instantly willing to do whatever she needed to to achieve that goal. And girl, if you're a petite woman and your husband…

It's not a rape if you get pregnant, because the body shuts that down. Also, it's not a rape if you don't get pregnant, because that means the assailant may not have ejaculated.

In that comment, I was definitely guilty of generalizing Jews myself.

Wait, wait, wait.

Related (sung to "Camptown Races"):

(sung to "Ring of Fire" with whatever high-pitched voice you feel adequately represents your cat's inner monologue)

Back in 2007, I wrote this Christmas Carol for my dog.

Is it true that this is a photo of a young Antonin Scalia?

I, for one, welcome our new infectious disease overlords.

I always try to avoid political arguments on facebook because I grew up in a conservative area and it takes too much energy to care.

I couldn't help myself when someone posted some crap about how "it doesn't take a medical examiner to see that Trayvon was bigger than Zimmerman and any martial arts expert knows what…

YOU GUYS. FUCK EVERYTHING.

Well I guess that's something to congratulate ourselves for!! And at least we're not just letting fate take its course and dealing with the aftermath later - we're trying to make rational decisions based on our own limitations and needs. (No disrespect to people for whom nature makes the decision, whether by surprise…

I'm in second place? Dammit.

Protip: just don't fucking ever compare things to lynching or rape.