He looks like someone peed on his rug.

Pictured: A man who, when Eli Manning drops back to pass, automatically looks for the open defensive back.

From SNL to MNF.

It's the year 2014 and TMZ has more credibility than the NFL. Well done Roger.

Business in the front, won't remember his 10th birthday party in the back.

Elvis Andrus has a new mission.

Notice how there's no Applebee's logo visible while Mike talks his utter nonsense.

Obviously they thought Janay went full Ronda Rousey on Ray-Ray — sidekicks, spinning backfist, kidney punches, then the arm-bar, which Ray-Ray stoically endured until being forced, forced mind you, to knock the bitch out in self-defense. I hate everyone.

"Failure is not getting knocked down. It's not getting up."

These fucking idiots are ALL awful. Fuck Peter King, fuck the NFL, fuck Roger Gooddell, fuck the Ravens, fuck Rice's lawyer, fuck Steve Smith, fuck Schefter, fuck Harbaugh, fuck everyone who defended Ray Rice and/or tried to pin some of the blame on Janay, and most of all, fuck Ray Motherfucking Rice.

How about the fans who gave him a standing ovation:

Oh wow, does this mean they're going to sign LeBron now?

I hate that pesky auto-gammons.

That loud sound you hear isn't the sound of applause for this move , it's the sound of the Ravens' collective hamstrings snapping from all that backpedaling.

I won't believe that the Ravens have released Rice until I see a Peter King report that they have promoted him to head coach and given him a 10-year extension.

"Better after there is completely damning evidence released that will destroy our brand than never."

I have noticed a distinct quiet on the western front from those here (mostly gray-zone folks) who a few weeks ago were saying Rice should skate because his woman attacked him viciously with a full- on physical assault, that his self-defense did not count as domestic violence and people aghast at this made a mountain…

Even I think there've been too many kicking stories today.

Remember that time when you could kick someone in the face? I don't...