"Sweetheart, why do you want to cover sports when you could talk about shopping instead!"

I'm desperately looking for approval from any woman! Any! Since I can't get it because I'm such a sleaze, don't you want my approval instead?!?! You're only worth something if I say you are! Wait, come back!

You'd have a higher moral ground here if you didn't throw that "Also, my band sucks" there are the end. Just makes you seem petty and douchey. Oh, wait . . .

Thanks!

I'm not a troll, I'm genuinely curious - why do you need a physical copy of the coupon? The place where I work can scan coupon bar codes off of phones. Is it to make sure the coupon system isn't abused or something else? Again, just curious. Thanks. :)

The second one is better, in my opinion.

I always eagerly revel in the tears of adults with jobs and families crying over a stupid game, but feel bad when they show little kids crying. :/

Yeah, I remember seeing somewhere that if the KLM plane hadn't gotten all the extra, unnecessary fuel (way too much for a simple flight back to Amsterdam), they would have probably been light enough to clear the PanAm.

I have a friend from Germany. She lives near Köln but I've been to Berlin, Ulm, München, Hannover, and more. They were just people being curious and not knowing any better, just like people were being curious and asking you stupid shit about East Germany.

Oh trust me, I know. I memorized so many mnemonic devices, clever little songs to remember preposition cases, etc. Eventually I gave up trying to learn and have a adopted the "use whatever endings sound right and hope that my accent covers up any errors" style of grammar.

The question I get asked the most when I'm vacationing in Germany is how many guns I own and why I need so many of them. I own zero guns and I also expect the large majority of Americans don't. But it's funny how peoples' perceptions are colored by the media and skewed history and whatever. My German friend was…

Why is is like that though? Melonshead? Eggshead? Tomatoeshead? Makes no sense. Only English is allowed to have stupid grammar rules that don't make sense!

Not to be a, um, German grammar Nazi, but it should be "Melonekopf". "Melonen" is the plural form.

Me. too. But I usually phrase it with "those bastards at Chase Manhattan".

What's with Ariel's uniboob?

I overheard a conversation in the break room at my job about beating a marijuana test that involved drinking lots of vinegar, specifically the apple cider kind. Just the thought of it made my stomach hurt, did you ever see/smell anything like that?

Back in 1908 my great-great-whatever-uncle got cut in half because he took a shortcut through two trains when they were pushing them together. Newspapers were so sensational back then they described it in gory detail - "youth literally split in half!" - even saying how "bitterly" my great-great-grandmother cried when…

I know, right? People being proud of their children. What a bunch of assholes.