They can't be that hard to find; you just described pretty much every male celebrity pop culture deems attractive.

It's diversity! You never see attractive fat women paired with sketchoid bodybuilders doing Khal Drogo/Travis Bickle mashup cosplay.

I've learned pretty much everyone who self-applies the word is someone like this and should be avoided.

Damn that eighty-years-old Shinto religion.

Only half of him has a race? What's the other half?

Assigning value to sex based on how much is "there" is some serious "Forty-Year-Old Virgin" shit.

Hating Twilight because it's racist is the pop-culture equivalent of getting Al Capone for tax evasion.

That's rich, considering she's already in violation of the law against actually fascinating people showing up on these things, the miscreant.

I love Julianne Nicholson so much.

Well, yeah, but going against the laws of nature is kind of tabloids' MO.

What even are headlines about how so-and-so "didn't have to die?" Prior to this were we just supposed to assume that dying horribly is a natural, necessary consequence of getting into a car?

When they find out, their main concern will just be that they accidentally self-identified as Colombians.

Ugh, Paul Ryan Chic is no better than Bro Lumberjack Chic.

So let's raise the bar
Intercourse to the stars.

You found him! Yay!

That ending might have been more devastating than "You're Getting Old."

They can't just give this money to Hannibal?

Nobody will say anything terrible about this, and if I never look, it'll be like I was right.

I like how they clarified they meant Mao Zedong and not some other Mao Tse-Tung.

I am skeptical and sarcastic about your diagnosis, as per your instructions.