In what universe is "cracker" an exclusively "hood" thing? Lame white people are everywhere.

Because Crackermore embraces the kind of straight-white-dude-ally-ness that involves grabbing the microphone from women, LGBTQ people and people of color and anointing yourself their benevolent protector rather than their supporter. I mean, good God, the entire message of that stupid song is "Equality for all, no…

Are we entirely sure Macklemore is even real, and not some inadvertently insulting chav persona Prince Harry adopted to move freely among the commoners?

Imagine not even getting a credit for playing "Fat Woman on Train."

Oh, don't act so shocked. Remember last year we had the first runner-up for a major party nomination denouncing Obama as a "snob" for wanting everyone to have access to higher education.

But time makes you bolder,

Giving him a role would definitely be in keeping with her message of charity.

MARKET WATCH: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, ARE MUSLIMS SELLING PENIS MIGHTIERS?

Fox headline: "GUNS KILL PEOPLE," RAVES RADICAL FEMINIST FOREIGNER.

If you want to convince everyone you wrote your own book, it seems like it'd be counterproductive to go on TV and remind everyone that you can't speak your native language.

His family is adamant he did the right thing and fronted up to police on realising the sex had gone too far.

What Paula Deen fan is gonna buy something that gives the world a slightly darker tint?

I'm sure whichever actress this guy thinks is hot is just waiting for the right time to call him back, and then Lawrence's hair will no longer be an issue.

"I have Asperger's as well and choose not to feel superior by making quite possibly the smuggest fucking comment in human history."

It'll get awkward when the Daily Planet can't cover anything Wonder Woman-related what with the editorial conflict of interest.

Back when he was a zoo DJ before he got into this scam, he was on some anti-gay rant and a caller asked if he thought people choose it, and he said yes. Caller asks if Beck chose to be attracted to women rather than men, and Beck said yes, and the caller said he had pretty much just defined bisexuality. Beck got…

I love how "truth lives here" keeps showing up across the bottom of the screen. It's like that South Park about Randy taking a record dump where the "EMMY AWARD-WINNING SERIES" chyron shows up throughout.

You motherfucker. You faster-typing-than-me motherfucker.

It's weird, that's the kind of thing my dad, who's never been diagnosed, does. Part of the problem with having a diagnosis is it can be hard to figure out what's a Thing Aspies Do and what's just you. At least, for me.

I wouldn't say I necessarily have an established pattern of doing that kind of thing, but I've done stuff kind of similar. For instance, my wife and I have a cat named Lucky, who we started calling "Luckster" as a nickname. Anyway, sometimes he sits with his paws tucked under him and we thought it made him look like a…