Ryan Seacrest frankly strikes me as the type of person who thinks technology is getting out of hand because the mall sign knows exactly where he is.

I seriously considered making a Jimmy Darmody gimmick account just to agree with li'l mufasa.

I don't know why I thought I could come here 20 minutes after the post went up and think I'd be the first to make a Ben Wyatt joke.

I can say with 100% certainty that the only kids who join this will be closeted conservative boys looking for a hookup.

Of course, this is a feel-good story when the Phail runs it.

Oh, yay, Oppression Olympics, the national pasttime of people who don't feel like cleaning their own goddamn house.

Wait, when were babies worth it?

SIMPSONS DID IT!

Good call. Kids are at their most understanding in middle school.

Really, the worst part is her not just saying "Barack and Michelle Obama." When you have to be economical with your characters, that just seems like a huge waste.

I enjoyed James Deen's guest-spot on Family Guy.

I definitely have a hard time buying Channing Tatum saving the world, but then, I have a hard time believing Channing Tatum is anything other than a RealDoll making fun of white people.

I agree moviegoers are probably sick of bro-fests, but it should be noted that the films in question were also, respectively, an apparent retread of a movie that was only a couple months old (albeit unintentionally), a movie by a director whose name is a punchline, and an attempt to reboot a franchise that has…

Keith Mars fought in World War I?

I mean, why wouldn't he think that? Republicans live in a bubble wherein the only reason they ever fail at anything is because they're sabotaged by the librul Jew media and Democrats giving blah people "free stuff."

Stupid dames, wit' their writing of books an' such.

I always hated the term "beach read" because it seemed like having to make excuses for genre fiction, like "Oh, I'd never read it if I wasn't at the beach." Fuck that. Good books are good.

The fuck did I do?

He looks like a 50-year-old Justin Long.