During a particularly bad or surreal date, my inner voice will switch to David Attenborough and narrate the date as though it were a scene from Nature or Blue Planet. It's difficult to get into the mood from there, and once he makes an appearance I know things are over for the relationship. Of course, this might not…

I actually knew my wife for about 2 years before we started dating. If someone had told me we would end up together I would have laughed in their face. "Made of malice" was the term I used to describe her back then. She had a reputation for being sort of surly and stand-offish.

Once I was at my friend's apartment and I was really drunk. I crawled out on his fire escape and I noticed the hot guy who lived upstairs was out, so I crawled up another level.

I picked up a lumberjack by walking up to him, snapping his suspenders and saying, "Why are you even wearing these? They're not doing anything." He said, "They're holding up my pants." and I said, "Well maybe they shouldn't be."

Not truly a pick-up, per se. In highschool I started sleeping with this dude, who I met at a party. There was a long gap between the party and the sex, and when we started having sex, I asked why he decided to try to get with me, and he said "Well when I looked out the window [at the party] and saw you rescuing worms…

Can I share a story about how someone else's pick up line?

A good friend of mine was having a housewarming party that I was kinda reluctant to go to, because I didn't know if it would be fun or not (I didn't like her married "open relationship" boyfriend who was/is a total dick.) but I went anyway and noticed an attractive guy who I used to work with, and realized quickly…

On my fathers 50th birthday we threw him a surprise party. All eight of my siblings made the trip to be there and one of my younger brothers brought his then girlfriend and her cousin tagged along. I immediately noticed her gracefulness but at the time was going through the realization that I had failed at my chosen…

This one happened to me, relatively recently.

This might not make sense to some Americans or Canadians, but it is a big deal for a English girl - specifically one from Manchester. It is my dirtiest, most shameful secret, and one that made even my husband look at me with disgust.

I didn't intend it be a pick up at all but:

In my statistics class there was a guy that all of the women (and quite a few men) thought was a raging hunk. I didn't see the allure. He was nice though. He would always sit next to me and we would chat about all sorts of things.

i mean baby jesus shouldnt be in the manger until christmas anyway so

Yes, fundie Catholics and fundie Protestants can bond over hating abortion. Isn't it sweet?

Now that sectarian violence has more or less stopped, the rabid hoards have found a new cause.

It is true, that in Dublin we like to see a healthy glow on a woman's cheek as if a soft day was suddenly ripped apart by a vicious north easterly. We get four seasons in one day and we expect to see them all in a woman's cheek, but nowhere else. Not her hair ( lustrous) her hems (tidy), her eyes (soft) or her…

Sitting in my parent's kitchen in Ohio after breaking up with my British boyfriend of eight months. He Skyped me and started the conversation off deceptively normal. Got more and more emotional as it went on. Eventually he started professing his undying love for me (I was not into it). My dad entered the kitchen for…

My response to the whole "women came from Adam's rib bullshit":

That's because very few people in the former colonies seem to know how to make tea properly.

Hershey exec logic: If we don't let them taste the other chocolate, they won't know ours is akin to eating wax.