I was 13, and was dancing the role of “snowflake” in the Nutcracker ballet. Anyone who has participated in an amateur production of this ballet can tell you that dancing in the “snow scene” involves wearing a ridiculous fluffy white tutu and prancing around the stage while waving one’s arms and striking various…

When I say I was raised by a Carrie-eque mother, it is only with the teensiest hyperbole. My mother was a fearful, paranoid, intensely controlling yet cold, impossible to really please Polish immigrant. She followed Catholic dogma to the point that she banished herself from going to mass after her divorce (divorce…

I was an awkward, fat, lonely 12 year old girl who was obsessed with horror movies and masturbating, being raised by a single mother in a small town in the early 90's. Every Friday night my mom would take me to our nearest video store and I would gather 4 - 5 different rated-R VHS scary movies (I would specifically…

We had just had the day in fifth grade where girls went in one room and learned about ~periods~ and boys went in the other to learn about ~boners~ and then we all came together to discover ~pubes~ so when I woke up on a Saturday with blood literally all over my bed and clothes, I told myself right away it wasn't that.…

Mine was just humourous. I of course had my first period at my father's house (split time half and half), and it was literally night one of my week with him, and I remember having cramps and not knowing what was going on. It's 11pm (and I'm what - 11, 12?) so when I get up my dad can hear me around upstairs and is…

Yup! I had a male friend who while out drinking with us would always say "we're pregnant!" While pounding PBRs. After a few times of this I finally said "oh really! Well beer is super bad for the baby" and took his beer. And drank it.

Points for the In Bruges clip. And also making me snort tea out of my nose at this:

Nooo, the memories.

It has always been a point of pride of mine that I have never seen nor read anything by Nicholas Sparks.

That's because they got to be a de-facto theocracy from Independence until the 1990s. In related news, uptight Catholic fervor has been much less terrifying since the '90s.

In the case of Ireland, it is specifically the Catholic Church and a State that basically ceded most of its authority to the Catholic Church that is at fault. The Irish state was formed as a Catholic nation with Catholic church was highlighted for its "Special position . . .as the guardian of the faith" in the Irish…

Timeless activist funeral? Check
Westboro Baptist Crazies? Check.
Motorcycle gang fighting for freedom and justice? Check.

as a child, I once asked if the lamb chops we were eating were made of the same thing as lampchop "from the tv", because I fucking loved that show. My mom fearfully confirmed that yes, they were both sheep, sure she'd never get me to eat lamp chops again. Much to her horror, I replied "awesome!" And started eating my…

True story: I worked at a pub where the owner came up with the idea to build a hamster race track. In the pub. Seriously. His idea would be that parents and children would come in with the hamster balls, set them on the track, and say (his words, not mine):
"GO, FUCKER!"
Sadly, this did not come to fruition.

More "the USA" than "planet earth", I think. This sort of thing is practically unheard of in Europe. In the UK where I'm from, questioning strangers about their religion is, for almost everybody, a bit like quizzing them on their finances or sex life - you'd assume that anyone who did it had Asperger's or something…

My mother is really into Rocky Horror, and one holiday played it in the car all the way to the destination, when my sister and I were too young to really get most of it. Anyway, fast forward to the first day back at school, and my mother received a complaint. My 6 year old sister had somehow memorised the lyrics and…

Yeah, I am pretty sure that I poop basically every time I sit on the toilet when I have my period, but it's always like small, liquidy ones. I thought there was something really wrong with me for YEARS until a Jez article on either poop or periods, and I realized that a) I was one of many and b) if my menstrual cramps…

Vinegar pie is a break-up pie. It's a way to say "Happy birthday! I never loved you" with food.