You can forgive someone and pursue them to the ends of the fucking earth to prosecute them at the same time.

Everything about this story is great— it took place in West Babylon!

Wait, so I wasn't supposed to eat those Irish babies? Fuuuuuuu

I call my mom everyday because I'm a weirdo and she's one of the few people who will listen to every goddamn thing I have to say. I don't talk to my dad that much because he's kind of a '50s non-emotional dad, but he does drunk dial me monthly and since he upgraded his flip-phone to an Android (lol) he has…

Recommending because "Wacklemore".

Clashes like this can be resolved perfectly simply: pistols at dawn. Name your second, Wacklemore.

I will defend Nicotine all the way until it goes head to head with Caffeine. For the most part, I'm a nonsmoker, but the vilification of cigarettes drives me fucking nuts.

Champagne - or sparkling wine in my case - can be a bit hit and miss. I've bought good $10 bottles and terrible $50 bottles. With Smirnoff ice, I know what I'm getting every time. Blotto. That being said I much prefer beer or sav blanc

Greetings from the old country. Once ate a tri-colour cake - that was pretty wild. We generally avoid the scary influx of tourists on a mission. This year I will be at a proper parade with a man dressed as someone topical on a tractor, priest dressed as St Patrick, children playing their tin whistles pretty badly and…

I was at a bar with my ex girlfriend getting sloshed and I forget how it came up, but we decided to trade shirts in the middle of the bar. Her shirt was this v-neck that was much too small, my gut fully hanging out, and my polo shirt fit her like a shirt she was about to sleep in. She met up with her boyfriend and I…

I always feel like I honor my ancestors more by staying functional all day and giving the sloppy amateurs in neon green shamrock bikini tops the side eye. (Not judging girls for wearing what they want to - but it is March and it is New York - it's cold out! Irish knit sweaters are meant for that weather.)

You are writing an article about Irish beers, and you decided to use the term "all Irish black and tan" ? Now this might seem like a minor gripe but if you can't figure out why this is wrong please go to an ACTUAL Irish establishment and order one, after that try to get an irish carbomb.

Finally catching up to Scotland. We've used the word cunt as a noun, verb, adjective, compliment, insult, expression of surprise and god knows what else since time immemorial. About cunting time the OED stopped being a cunt and put some new cunting words in there. They're good cunts.

Twice in one day this has been relevant. Today is a beautiful day.

This is what Florida feels while it's watching Backdoor Boysluts 4.

"Adele Dazim." Nailed it, Travolta.

As a former "gifted kid" who had a lot of academic trouble in college, I can tell you what might be the culprit, because it was for me: never learning how to actually work hard for something until it was too late. For most of my formative years, school just came easy so I didn't learn self-discipline or how to…

Right? Barbie is no idiot. A little fickle in terms of what she wants to do with her life, but very very smart.

And that is the problem with teaching to just fear god. Because when you stop believing in god, you haven't been taught any morality. There is a right way and a wrong way to act, and you do so not because you fear god, but because as humans we are all in this together and need to treat each other accordingly if you…

That'd be like skipping penetration during sex.