You laugh but in a little while Las Vegas will learn how having a mediocre NFL team transforms a city into a thriving, cultured metropolis that is the envy of everywhere else. Just look at Jacksonville, Cincinnati or Glendale!

+2 low-hanging fruit.

Jimmy Haslam: *continues typing on a calculator thinking he’s sending a text*

Group text:

So, so many pics of old man balls are in some intern’s future.

Oh no, force me to spend $6 and be treated to unlimited shitty, delicious mac & cheese pizza. Fuck you, fuck all of you. Cici’s rules.

why is “some witnesses” in quotation marks? You think people are lying about “Allahu Akbar” being yelled? You don’t want this to be Islamic terorism therefore it probably isn’t? What?? This exact same scenario happens every month in Europe. Truly astounding how you have 69 stars: so many Americans must be burying…

What Can’t the Browns Do For You?

“Now rookie DeShone Kizer, who has thrown three TDs to 11 picks and has already been benched once, knows that the team wanted to replace him, but FORGOT HOW.”

This just in:

Alliteration?

Alliteration?

That was like a backyard finish when you were 10 and just made shit up to keep playing until you had to go inside for dinner.

Its not that she is crazy. Its that there are literally no witnesses to the events who corroborate what she says, many even contradict it, medical experts cant determine if the bruises matches the time frame she gives for when Elliot hit her, she made attempts to extort, blackmail and bring in false witnesses, and…

A memorandum of understanding (a MOU) with the NDAA is worthless. Prosecutor’s offices our usually local offices. All NDAA does is put on trainings in nice places that you can occasionally convince your boss to send you and lobby to keep weed illegal on the national level. I am a deputy prosecutor in Indiana. My…

Fox’s all-video strategy is dumb. First, many of us can’t or won’t watch video at work but we will happily goof off reading written content. Watching video on phones in public also sucks if you’re like me and never have your headphones handy. Sidelining quality writers (some of whom can do video, some of whom can’t)…

It would be great if he’s been just been plugging away all these years yearning for a platform to still break news and write columns, but also make dick jokes and ranked lists of candy bars, or whatever.

So how long does that dopamine rush from posting your moral superiority last for you?

I worked in a Subway for 4-years in the 1990s. We would get requests like this ALL THE TIME. Mostly from shift workers who wanted to build it 4-6 hours later so it was not soggy. Whatever, we did it. Because it was our job, and its what the customer wanted. The only rules our boss had was that we had to cut the…

For the mini usually given out in Halloween candy, there can be only one.