Who does this fuckface think he is, anyway? Every great coach knows that you must dedicate at least 45 minutes to floor slapping.

And how about letting them go to the bus stop by themselves, so my block isn't a batallion of SUV's I have to weave through like I'm on a BMW test track!

PLAY ZONE! GYMTASTIC! BALLS AND SHIT!

But Polanski has been deep inside Happy Valley.

Since when is The Vili Fualaau Story required reading at Don Bosco?

Honestly, does Montana have to be isolationist about everything???

If you divide the product of each player's BMI and Home Runs by their height in inches, you'll get each player's FIP (Fully Ingested Pizzas).

I Want Barry Melrose To Shoot On Me

"Finally, a helmet to helmet where I can make money!"

In Italian, to Cundiff means to slip and fall off the port side of a ship directly into a life boat.

"I'd say, ‘If you're back here next year, we got a problem,' " Strahan said.

There goes my suicide note! I can't catch a fucking break!

I don't know what Penn State is all upset about. With the right resources, all hope is not lost in Happy Valley.

Isn't that the black calling the pot a kettle?

Has Penn State officially reached cult status? You've got a mythical father-figurehead with legions of blind followers, all white uniforms, a compound in the hills with an overly positive nickname and of course, illicit sex with adolescents. It's only a matter of time before they break out the CyanAde to join JoePa…

I can't wait until this kid turns three and asks if Kyle Orton can be their stepdad.....

There must be something in the water, since all shaggy-haired Spaniards seem to have a preternatural ability to find an open teammate without having to actually see them.

What's racist about spending more than $50 on them to qualify for super saver shipping?

So our official Green Bay Packers Unfair Advantage currently stands at:

Still not as awkward as when Berman asked Kelly Clarkson if she knew the "rules of the road" on the set of that Toyota commercial.....