Bettman really is nuts. Sponsoring Ryan Moore is not going to bring in Cadillac and Cialis as advertisers.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: That Spiderman quip went right over my head.

I'd look that way, too, if a horny unicorn came after me with his magic chesticles.

The hardwood in Minnesota was never all that expanded to begin with.

@Gottliebs Cards: Todd Haley plays Russian Roulette with the ball boys...and docks the loser's pay for the cost of the bullet.

@David Hume: As leader of the Chiefs, Todd Haley demands his own sovereign nation.

@David Hume: Todd Haley is the most interesting man in Todd Haley's world.

Barring Favre's 4.58" miraculous recovery was the goal of Verizon's lawyer when called by Milton Ahlerich.

You want tough? Try the Beijing Bronco, fans.

@You're a cancer - and I'm Laetrile: Give it a few years. You get used to it.

Meanwhile, the volunteer helping little Sammy Escher hasn't been heard from for weeks.

Renardo - shut the fuck up about it, Bailey

"Scoop to one side holding a spade, and maybe Posnanski to the other with a shovel, and just at this moment, I manage to crawl out my own damn grave. No way do I crawl back in."

@ToddReesingsTurfFacial:

@SeattleAnalystGuy: No. Definitely personal matter.

That takes me back to Clinton's press conference where he was asked about Monica's dress.

The American Federation of Telestrator Dong Artists vows to draw a firm line.

The biggest winner when punters fail?

Silence is golden.

@Phintastic: Yet Juaquin Andujar still has a contract out on Don Denkinger.