Is this goddamn paint ever going to dry?

"-ity" is the right way to describe Morgan's nakedness.

To be fair, the injunction keeps him away from the middle-school locker room. Where else is he gonna go?

The last time Thornton was numerate for more than four hours, he had to seek medical attention.

I am old, I am set in my ways, and you can suck my old-ass dick.

@UpstateUnderdog: ...and always know where the nearest toilet is.

Progress. Advancement of human knowledge. Cars.

Clitoris Portman speaks.

"Where is your underwear, Connor? What will the ER people think?"

Afterglow? Last time I pissed away 14 potential points, the next day was more like afterseeringlaserbeam.

To be fair, it does hurt like hell when you break hard things through an improper channel.

Shower discipline is hard. After a trayful of pigs-in-a-blanket and six drinks, the sofa cushions can't hold any more.

@Phintastic: Kneeling under my desk continues to protect me from the nuclear apocalypse.

@David Hume: I'm short on SubmarineScreenDoor. The market's saturated.

@David Hume: It's hard to keep so many Woodies straight.

An Audi with New Jersey plates (belonging to Brady) apparently hit the a Ford minivan at an intersection.

Oh, the years at Deadspin. I came, I laughed; I commented, I cried.

@AzureTexan: It's a carbon-neutral night out for the Dude.

Are you better off now than you were five years ago?

@ArkansasFred: In Russian, it's the diminutive for Chlamydia.