But looking devious is sexy! Don't you watch soaps?

Is it wrong that I want this? I have natural frowny face and I would really like to have at least natural neutral face if not natural smiley face.

That's really touching and sweet.

Lindy, I am loving the On The Counter section of Lands' End's website. Their stuff isn't trendy, but if you luck out, you can get really good quality investment pieces for amazing prices. I've gotten cashmere cardigans for under $30 and lovely dresses for $6. All there stuff I've bought has been really great quality…

It truly truly is!

It's a classic for a reason!

Words. Words are not enough. I NEED GIFS TO EXPLAIN MY FEELS:

Cressida is the Capitol-born reporter/director type person in charge of the propos. I...can't remember if she died. A lot of people died, ya know?

Okay, thanks for explaining. Glad to know it's not like some sort of secret requirement that I'm not meeting.

Thanks! I'm glad to know that we aren't expected to keep our cervixes (cervii?) minty fresh and clean 24/7.

That sounds intensely uncomfortable. Q-tips make me shudder instinctively so I don't think that would be a good scene.

...but what are you supposed to wash your cervix with? It's a little hard to access. Perhaps your partner can use cervix cleaning condoms?

Oh god, I think I had one once. But then we can reward her with a delectable butter tart. I have a relative who makes homemade butter tarts (incl. the crust) for the holidays and when we get together, my dad just hovers around her and then pounces on them when she finally sets them out. It's pretty funny to watch.

Vancouver is so close to her; she should just pop by for a weekly check in!

Yes! I too wish to squeeze your French bulldog although sadly I am not the awesome Lindy West.

Oooh, I see your cunning plan. We can lure her to our Socialist paradise with our superior snack food and then she'll never want to leave. AND THEN WE WILL HAVE ANNEXED LINDY OF THE HOUSE OF WEST FROM YOU AMERICANS! Mwah hahahaha

Fellow T-Dot resident here! I do not have wine (non-drinker) but I'm sure I can scrounge up some delicacies. What's that fish thing from Newfoundland? We could get her to eat that!

And there are so many kinds of poutine! I went to a fancy restaurant and they had poutine made with goat's cheese and like truffle gravy or something. When I lived in Kingston, every single restaurant had poutine on the menu. So we could make her try all sorts of poutine and at the end she'll hate cheese curds and…

COME TO CANADA! BRING LINDY. WE WILL FEED HER STRANGE FOODS AND LAUGH AT HER PAIN!

Black-Eyed Peas have an exceptionally long gestational period.