I'm imagining the whole thing just popping off with a "sproinnngggg!" sound effect. Noe I can't unimagine it. Shit.

Klassy.

Thanks for that. I never wanted to eat breakfast again anyway.

The morphine drip made my c-section totally worth it. Well, that and the birth of a healthy son. But mostly the morphine.

Plus, bedtime gets a whole lot easier!

I hear their company makes damn good chicken, though.

When I told my mom I had gotten into my top choice for grad school (3,000 miles from home), she said only, "That's so far away." Thanks, mom.

Agreed. I was always the kid in HS who had to go back and add more words to my papers to reach the minimum required length. I was thrilled when I got to law school, and found that many profs imposed a page limit instead. This woman is a true craftsman.

Amen. My kids are 11 and 13 now, and whenever my 11-year-old gets pissed that I won't let him play Mind Craft before he does his homework, or my 13-year-old says something so bitchy I want to put my fist through a wall, I remind myself that at least they put their own damn selves to bed. Seriously, I love, love,…

Worst. Superpower. Ever.

They used to have some hilarious, random, smart jokes. I remember an episode in the first or second season where an establishing shot showed that Burns' estate was at the corner of Croesus and Mammon. They never do stuff like that any more.

In a similar vein, I got a phone call from the school when my son was in 3rd grade because he said something "inappropriate " to a classmate, and her mother got upset and called the principal. My son's offense? He told the girl that his uncle (my brother-in-law) and his boyfriend were visiting us. When the girl…

I don't know if I can read this until they change the name. Among, dammit!

That's exactly what I was thinking. Stoker is his call name.

She's not just a malicious idiot, she's a fictitious malicious idiot. But now I want a cookie.

I can do it in one sentence: The story is a hoax.

Dried pears. They look just like vaginas, they're good for you, and there's no work involved.

"Surprise vagina" is an immensely amusing phrase. I'm going to have to start a band just so I can name it that.

Yes, they are. Skin is an organ, too.

I overheard my then preschool age son telling people he had a peanut allergy, when he just didn't like them. I swooped right in and explained to him that that's mean to people with real allergies, and that he might end up being jabbed with an epi-pen if an adult saw him accidentally eating something with peanuts. …