“But but but I only know one thing and that is traffic law! After citing traffic law, the only thing I can contribute to the conversation is a Webster’s dictionary quote!” How all these victim-blaming chuckleheads sound.

They should be on the receiving end of “compliments” like that for awhile and see how proudy they feel.

Oh man that looks a lot like the matte black, jacked up iroc-z I see on my commute, looking fresh off the Mad Max set.

Goddamn, son.

So, let’s say I do some crimes to you, then write up a very big, boring looking contract for you to sign saying that you won’t press charges in exchange for a lot of money. I’m not a lawyer, but shouldn’t that be illegal? As illegal as bribing a judge or paying a third party to conceal a crime? Or if not illegal, at…

Yeah, but we’re hearing the story 3rd hand from nearby customers. So I’m willing to bet that if the server was that patient, they were also experienced enough to know to list offerings for a confused customer to paw at. Some customers just really like being ignorant and indignant.

I am disturbed by how easily amused I am by these CarMax stories. Careful, Doug! This might become a schtick for you, and I fear that five years from now, when you’re driving to Columbus, OH to find a CarMax to appraise a used Evenflo baby stroller you found at Goodwill, you may start to regret it.

Fuel is Mac & Cheese, beer, and Double Stuff Oreos. I approve.

And I don’t really understand it. So what if you hate kids? I may hate the color pink and Katy Perry, but if my coworker wants to wear pink every day and listen to Katy, loudly, on her headphones, that’s my problem to get over.

Red on the inside, red on the outside. Organ meat paint job.

I’ll do ya one better. We shouldn’t even be talking about signals that someone might NOT want to talk to you, there should only be signals that someone MIGHT want to talk to you.

Some of those signals are: sustained eye contact, smiling, waving at you, saying good morning, putting away their book and turning towards…

All very good advice. And furthermore, having a car loan that you pay off on time every month, neat and tidy, helps improve your credit score for when you go to buy something that you HAVE to borrow money for, like a house.

Mortgage providers aren’t looking for people who are occasionally flush with tons of cash that…

“but a lot of men aren’t too good on picking up on hints.”

Are we sure that the Kroll Show is no more?

Yeah, in addition to the resellers, Etsy’s search engine has got to be the worst major retail search engine around. Absolutely impossible to narrow your search down to items or even shops that fit your criteria, meaning it’s impossible to get eyes on your shop.

I’m excited to see how Amazon’s goes. But in the…

Just wait til they realize what Zombie Reagan thinks about health care! http://www.nytimes.com/1987/02/13/us/…

A line from The Last Emperor keeps coming to mind:

I don’t see why they don’t just ask Kim Davis to use her Jesus magic to bring Ronald Reagan back from the dead.

I would pay money to watch that documentary, just sayin

This is so spot on. I lost my mom in June and it still doesn’t feel real, just like we haven’t talked in awhile...