I want my
I want my
I want my mac and cheeeeeeese

“Up next comes the angry bride, who demanded to know why they were still serving “those people” when it was her wedding day.”

It’s just Sierra Nevada with a different label.

The way I see it, yes, shooting guns can be an enjoyable hobby, just like horseback riding and chainsaw sculpting and soap making. But it doesn’t mean it’s cool to ride your horse everywhere, take your chainsaw into a movie theater, or tote a big sack of lye into an elementary school.

And the one in the sorority T-shirt in the lower left who seems to be saying “Want to take a selfie with me too? No? Okay.”

Haaaaa got mine, suckers! (only time it has ever helped to have a weird shoe size)

That’s exactly it. My theory is that many Christian fundamentalists in this country are in love with, obsessed with suffering. Life in poverty, disability, or painful death? All good if it could be imagined as a country western song. And how dare anyone stand in the way of maudlin, soap opera sentimentality? It’s why…

So if she thinks a cheeseburger’s made of cheese and a hamburger’s made of ham, what does she think of the French McDonald’s menu?

Ahhh but if she’s been vegetarian her whole life, she’d have no other meats to compare it to, it may well be just an extraordinarily delicious kind of cheese.

Sounds like a solid case of affluenza, where she’s never seen a cheeseburger get assembled or made one herself.

I was seeing them with the very first wave of Mason jars as travel mugs back in college in Maryland, even, some 10-odd years ago. A great way to say “I’m hairy, but sensitive. And maybe a samurai.”

That golden’s even got the “absent mindedly sipping a to go cup while researching a few more sources for his thesis” look down. Good dog!

Sadly, I think they’d be pretty cool with that. Don’t give em any ideas.

“It seems like the men who are part of this movement have decided on these incredibly high and impossible standards to justify the fact that they’re still single without having to resort to taking a long hard look at their own problems or character flaws.”

Stahp at Dunkies on the way and get ya muthah a choclate crullah

Not as cool as devil sticks or a hula hoop. Put on your wrap-around shades and show off your “hoopin” skills to a peppy Britney Spears song at the next cookout you go to. You’ll be sure to impress.

Eh, just imagine if your brother in law showed up to your extended family’s Thanksgiving with stuffing that was way better than anything your host has ever made. Some families, it might endear him, others, it might step on some toes. Maybe this is your BIL’s way of telling you it might step on some toes in his family.…

I should also add that being nice to your neighbors, introducing yourself, saying good morning, offering to help when it looks like they could use some, is a great way to get invited to their parties.

If you’re so bored and lonely that you want to participate in a stranger’s family reunion, here’s what I would do: Walking home, past the park, you see a really fun-looking cookout. There are lots of people there, it’s obviously more than one household and not just some kid’s birthday party. To one of the people on…

I’m just sad that almost none of these rules apply to women. You could be 15 or 85, if you’re female and you tell Tasha’s new boyfriend to follow you to the trunk of your car? Nope nope nope nope nope.