If you’d bothered to read the story you would have noted that she gave her ID for a photocopy.

Its very true. My midwife told me after my son was born that my husband and I would need a couple forms of protection for my first year pp. One, because you’re extra fertile after delivery and two, because after 33 your body does what she called a Fire Sale. Everything must go.

My roommate does something similar every year. No matter how good or bad a year we’ve been having, she goes to a payday or title loan place on Christmas Eve and gives the first person she sees going towards the door $50 or $100 (whatever she can afford), tells them Merry Christmas, and walks away without another word.

* to save anyone else the google, a fruit machine is known in America as a slot machine.

I pride myself on the number of people I know, but I also have a short memory capacity for change. The town I’m from, York, pennsyltucky, is primarily known for motorcycles, a peppermint candy that isn’t made here anymore, barbells, a bunch of history stuff, and a band. That broke up sorta, and got a new, less divaish…

Current and very popular makeup tip that we will be rolling our eyes over in a few years (and which professional MUAs are ALREADY rolling their eyes over)—

wha?!?!?!?!?! It’s time for you, Pie-Pie, to go purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka!!!

I match it for sure, lately I’m just into rust colored eyeshadow though so I pretty much wear it with anything. My motto is, if the drag queens are doing it, it’s cool.

It would still be rare to see this in mainstream Canadian catalogs.

“She was inside the hospital in a climate-controlled area with access to her cellphone, access to the Internet and takeout food from the best restaurants in Newark”

I think a part of any settlement should include a provision for Chris Christie to be quarantined for the remainder of his term.

If you think getting along with your wife of a quarter century is being pussy whipped, you're a shitty husband.

I was going to say Depo-Provera but, tomay-toes, tomah-toes.

I am looking to hire cooks and waitstaff for my newest restaurant - Punchie’s This Is How We Serve It.

“whom we all called Caramel Lady. ”

Today’s misplaced concern is brought to you by the letter B, for “Bioavailability”

Let me just get the Pinkham’s Law out of the way, because I don’t see any yet and I’m SURE it’ll happen-

ARGLE BARGLE BUT RESTAURANT MANAGERS WORK HARD TOO AND NEVER GET TIPS DID YOU KNOW RESTARANT MONAGERS CARE ONLY ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THE RESTESRAUNT AND ARE SELFLESS ANGELS TO WORK AS HARD AS THEY DO FOR THE…

My younger brother graduated from Trenton State. He wasn’t enamored of the city, but raved about the local pizza.

Is it possible that his diarrhea was hereditary? After all, it runs in your jeans.

I NEVER THOUGHT PAYING IT FORWARD PIZZA WOULD MAKE ME CRY SAD TEARS BUT HERE I AM, CRYING. OVER PIZZA GENEROSITY, THE KINDEST GENEROSITY OF ALL.