Dear Helen Mirren,

I love you but this would get some mega side eye from me. MEGA. I like Broadway on Broadway. I cheer and whoop and get WAY too excited to see my Broadway favorites at the theater. (Norm Lewis, YAS sexy Phantom!)

Can you even IMAGINE how jealous Titus is?

This is my nightmare. I’d probably go grab a glass of wine from the nearest bar to stave off the headache I’d get from the excessive noise.

I’ve lately started omitting “just” from work emails with much success. For example, instead of “I just wanted to check/ask/whatever,” write “I wanted to ask” or “I wanted to check”.

It’s helped me to be/sound more direct. Women tend to use indirect writing that makes us sound unsure of ourselves. There’s no need to…

She is so fucking awful. I legitimately don’t understand how she sleeps at night.

Yes, I remember her advocating for real, factual sexual education in schools, not just abstinence-only sex ed. She says it would have helped her.

She better be in that fucking Will old man! (amazing though, seriously wonderful person).

I know people go to these restaurants for women’s bodies, but this is a little much!

JK. That’s awesome and I don’t think I do ever do this! She’s a better woman than I. I wish them both a speedy recovery.

My best friend’s mom needed a kidney and no one we knew was a match. So my friend and I gave genetic information to the Univ of Neb Med Center and they submitted it to the Paired Donation database. Turned out I matched a guy in Iowa (who needed a kidney) and my friend’s mom matched his wife (who was a willing donor).…

What do you think, people are just gonna whip out their leatherman and start carving organs out and handing them to people? This shit involves doctors. Doctors aren’t going to let people be trading kidneys around all willy nilly.

I hope that every time he comes into the restaurant, she says “I’m in you.”

SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENED, SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need a conspicuous “symbol of your love”? Just buy a ring that costs more than a used car and a wedding that costs more than a small house, like your dumbass parents did.

My romantic gesture is to lock my naked boyfriends to bridges. They stay there until they freeze to death, symbolising that our love lasts until one of us is dead. Much better.

Step 1: Remove existing padlocks.

Oh god, so many couples are going to break up now!

It really is so selfish. I was at a wedding of good friend of mine and it so happened that the photographer and DJ were dating and were friends of the bride and groom and entire wedding party. The DJ proposed to the photographer during the reception and of course the photographer said yes. The photographer was so…

Speeeeed Walker!!!

“How hard could it be to make just one mitten? You don’t even have.....fingers.”