Dudes, first time I tried a blowjob I messed up and got a wad right in my eye. It was bright red for two days. Guess what I did not give up on.

My favorite chili is based on a recipe from my college roommate’s copy of Low Carb for Dummies, and although that would not seem like a likely source of amazing recipes, it is both super delicious, dead simple, and easy to keep the ingredients on hand for at all times.

Woo Tikka Masala! Made it last weekend for the first time in months, and the first time ever without a grill. Actually worked alright.

I disagree! They turn gorgeously caramelized, as long as you don’t move them around at all until they turn deep brown. And mushrooms with lots of herbs with a little butter and garlic is glorious. Just look!

Today’s dinner, I tried out the cheese sauce recipe posted on skillet, came it very good :)

I want to snuggle that. And then fry it up with butter and garlic.

Last night I did a puffed oven omelet with leftover beef pot-roast, leftover French cut green beans and mushrooms and two fresh goat cheeses from a local dairy (one sundried tomato the other roasted red pepper.) It turned out well, but I really wish I'd used six eggs instead of two, and had remembered to put the…

Just did a bunch of research on these, and I’m in love. We’ve got a good stretch of property that’s all dark forest, so once winter passes we’re going to try to grow these things. Perfect climate for them in the warm seasons.

Back when my grandmother was alive I got into it a bit with my uncle because as an atheist he would ignore my grandma’s request to bow our heads while she said grace, he’d just start eating while everyone else bowed their heads along with the prayer. (My mother and her sister are atheist, so unless my other uncle and…

A vocal Athiest who ate paleo and was into crossfit would just be the worst.

Eh, just like religion and vegetarianism the atheists you want to hang out with are the ones for whom it’s just a part of who they are instead of something they wave around in order to feel superior to everyone else.

These stories remind of one time when I was a kid and out to eat with family after church. We usually went to a place like Golden Corral (please, don’t judge!). Well one month we went 2 Sundays in a row. We happened to have the same waitress both times. When she got to our table she told us that she had told her…

I’ve been told that you pray for hungry people by feeding them, pray for unclothed people by clothing them, pray for prisoners by visiting them, and pray for the sick and injured by getting them medical treatment. I’m not even a Christian, but that’s what they mean by “Faith without works is dead”.

I’ve been reading a lot of civil war doctor diaries. One doctor in particular rants about the Christian Commission volunteers who have signed up to ‘help’ with the wounded, but when they are instructed to help the patients wash up, use the bedpans etc, they just say, ‘oh, no, we’ll read the Bible to them; it will do…

Clearly, when I go to a restaurant that doesn’t serve alcohol, I should take along a statue of Jesus. Have it served water in addition to its meal. When the waiter isn’t looking, dump the water and pour in a little wine from one of those little airport bottles. Declare a miracle (and drink fast before the restaurant…

I want to know more about this couple. Like, did they first hook up because they each brought a statue of Jesus with them on the first date? Or was one relatively normal, but a few years into the marriage their spouse turned to them with a gleam in their eye and said “You know what would really spice up our trips to…

We had a Groupon once which covered $50.00 of a $50.25 tab. The server did an excellent job, and then topped it off by saying not to worry about the quarter. I didn’t have cash to tip him, so I asked him to run my card for the quarter anyway, then added a $15 tip. We’d paid $25 for the Groupon, so we still made out,…

Except the one about the Jesus statue. That would have been awesome, and since Jesus was all about feeding the poor, I would have boxed up his meal and eaten it myself later after they left. After all, he wants people to eat his body, I don’t think he’d be pissed if someone ate his entree instead.

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

People like this are behind the only sincere prayer I’ve ever prayed, “Jesus Christ, DO SOMETHING about your goddamned followers!”