... can't you just take two?

Channel your spirit animal!

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH ABOUT MY BENNY

You just don't get it, do ya?

As much as I both detest and lament Adam's status as somehow fuckable, my cockles are warmed to the point of melting at the sheer number of comments that share my disgust for this tattooed turtle ballsack.

Also, fuck everything Kristen Stewart does forever.

I am here to announce that I want to see Taylor Swift and Laura Prepon do ... things ... to each other.

Those two are such enormous boobs that together they could tittyfuck a tree.

I really miss her perm from 2010: The Year We Make Contact

THANK YOU!!!!!!

It's the same as the fuckpods on this article who are actually defending the availability of the doll. "Oh, maybe it does some good," these idiots proclaim.

I'm sorry. I just see all of these moronic posts defending the dolls as some kind of pacifier for fucking-a child molesters and I seriously, truly, adamantly feel justified in picking up a gun and mowing down all of you.

Nope. Child sex abuse does not work that way.

I suddenly feel much better about my singing and my goofy smile. If this dude can pull it off (and he can!) then there's hope for me, yet.

God I hope you're right.

Those corgis are pretty smart.

LADIES.

LADIES.

LADIES.

LADIES.