Poor sausage!

meow. meow. meow.

Ah, so the assumption is that he would be good in bed.

Wait, Katie's a cougar? When did that happen????

Note to self: gain 1,500 pounds, and open a dance club for elephants.

I'm going to go drug some girl at a club, remove her uterus (and leave her in a bathtub of ice), and implant her uterus into me so that when I look at this video I can yell, "AHHHHHH MY UTERUS!!!!" in the vain hope that I can make a baby elephant come out of my new uterus.

Hey, YouTube, what if I swapped your gender and called you YouTuna? Would you take yourselves down?

Ugh. There would have been more chemistry between a giant robot and an asperger dude.

Sexi was my first choice, but then I was all, "oooh, seeeeeeexi" while I did my slightly demure face, which it actually turns out is a horrible creeper face. So, I kept it at just two e's.

Sure, why not. I'd have a threeway.

Seth and Alexi are going to have very, very beautiful, wickedly smart babies. And I will take one, please.

I hope they give that kooky bitch all ten years and all ten thousand dollars.

Someone needs to fucking Photoshop my balls. Jesus. Incidentally, photoshopmyballs.com is available.

I have a friend who drinks a lot.

My misogynist friend just did when he forwarded this article to me.

I would have thrown it out.

STRANGE:

I know most people aren't into it, but raccoon eyes and pixi hair are, like, two of the hottest things in the universe to me. They scream, "I'm going to eat you alive," and "I dare you to eat me alive," respectively.

I don't get it. Why is he hot?

And we Americans are generally Naughty By Nature.