ahahahah. AHAHAHAH.

Awww, fucked by the universe again :(

Alllll niiiiiiiiight, allllll I heeeeeear, all I heeeeeear is your woof

LOL, vaginas are funny!

Yes. This thing I suggest people do and passionately give them specific instructions on how to carry it out is a joke.

I have a cat.

Are you kidding me? My sink is spotless and my hard wood floors are shiny as fuck.

If he does that, cut his fucking balls off, put them in one of his socks, and whomp him in the head repeatedly until he gets the goddamn message.

Awesome! Now I have something of my own to keep my balls in.

On this 50 Shades casting, I'm going to go against type and suggest

Basically, YES.

If the biggest problem of your relationship is that your partner doesn't do the dishes and/or you freak out and get hyper emotional over things like that, then do the world a favor and punch yourself so hard that your head explodes and your brains and blood splatter over the wall in a pattern that says, "I AM A…

BUT BUT BUT — MARISSA MAYER!

You think they would at least give the photos the courtesy of having a voting system.

Oh good. I would fit right in, then.

Yeah, no, fuck this. This winter we need to have a big gay invasion. We'll march right up the steppes with our hundreds of thousands of gays in tight cotton and leather fabrics, and plant a big rainbow flag in the heart of Moscow.

Then it sounds like we need a big sexy Russian Bear to keep us warm!

Uh-huh. That's what I thought.

Forgive me, but I don't think you know what you're talking about.

You shut your filthy whore mouth about my Lady! I will fucking find you and—ooohhhhh, this is what she was talking about. I see now.