Is it weird that I get weirded out that GoT doesn't show more unsheathed swords? They have no problem whipping out the fun bags every 5 minutes, but the clock tocker only swings once every few episodes, and only for a tick. I thinks it's only fair the ladies and gaydies should get more tick for their tock.

I have met exactly one stripper who enjoyed getting semen on her. Her name was Old Man Curly, and she worked at my local park, often for free, and without you having to ask.

If this product had been invented in 1995, would it have made the scene in Showgirls more realistic, or less realistic?

Bluetooth enabled sex toys and protection needs to happen. With social media apps.

I just spend like 10 minutes googling RDLB.

I often dream about having so much sex that I need an app to keep track of it.

I want to put a star in your reasonably priced craw.

I don't know what it is about angular features like those cheekbones, long nose, and severe jaw, but they make my down there place go, "ADKJHFFJLADJFSJHSFD" and then dissolve into a giggling drooling pile of mush. A very erect giggling drooling pile of mush.

I'll be sure to look for that piece. I can't wait.

No, that would be Amy Poehler. I want Amy Poehler to trick me into marrying her.

Sound tactical advice.

Why?

I also thought "nah, she's BS" then researched myself. After reading many articles, fact-checking, turns out that I was right. She's BS.

I will gladly take this power from you and put it to excellent use.

I hear if you say Jenny McCarthy three times in the mirror, Jenny McCarthy will appear and Jenny McCarthy you.

I want to be vaccinated against Jenny McCarthy, but I heard the Jenny McCarthy vaccine causes Jenny McCarthy.

You're right. Taking down a bitch of this magnitude requires more than one person.

Do you also post celebratory pictures when you finish taking a really big shit?

Honestly, I had hoped to cause her more harm. I had also hoped to cause her deep psychological stress. I wonder if she wakes up screaming at night, reliving the time I tried to run her down. I hope so.

So you don't care about being sensitive to your friends.