There’s a special section in heaven reserved for people who have had to deal with old people arguing over change.

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

The brain’s single most important goal is efficiency. It accomplishes this by hardwiring a lot of things into rote routines in our heads, and we are pretty oblivious to it. Have you ever gotten to work and not remember the drive? It’s because our brains can essentially build an autopilot routine that complex. Most of…

When growing up I LOVED staying in the car while mom went shopping (there’s nothing for a kid to do in a needlecraft shop. But I knew how to use the key to turn on the A/C and crack the windows when it got hot. I knew to keep the doors locked until she came back, etc. These days I would probably be in CPS custody.

Great topic. I think it’s ridiculous that I can’t so much as run into a post-office for stamps without shlepping two children along with me, but I have this perception that there are so many busy-bodies out there that would call 911 as soon as I locked the door that I feel like it’s better to just err on the side of…

Wearing Bugles on your fingers is the only way to eat them. Even in your drunken haze, you knew what’s up. #respect

All day, every day!

You could not pay me enough to be 20 again…

Ahem

Obligatory

As the kid who had the room next door to the master growing up, you are incorrect. The actual last thing you want to think about is your parents’ exciting sex life.

NO! First, I love it when you come in looking for products and are wearing no products because it makes my life easier to find your foundation shade. Same, if you want to try a brow product, why come in with your brows done? We have to remove it! Its different if you're coming in after work and have had it on all day,…

I love giving samples when it's not busy. We more or less have a rule of three per client. But when the place is hopping and you walk up without buying anything and just hand me three perfume bottles and demand samples, I am going to side eye you so hard. :)

Honestly, I don't SEE that many people shoplift. When it's busy, it's busy. Mostly we find empty boxes. Or stolen testers, which I think is gross. Is it safe to try lipsticks? Well, we do. I mean, I sanitize the hell out of them with alcohol. As long as you are doing the same, I think it's ok. Lip glosses though -…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

it's milani infinite liquid eyeliner!! $7 at CVS. you have to use a smaller brush to apply it (it comes with an awful & imprecise applicator wand thing), but this stuff is my whole truth. never smudges but is somehow easy to remove with like, jojoba/vitamin e/baby oil. man i feel like i've been waiting my whole life…

These are all wonderful. I wonder how they manage to find the one makeup counter person who doesnt do full-out drag queen. I always seem to get the MAC employee who lives and dies by cake face and neon.

Aghhhh. It puts the lotion on its skin.

I made the mistake of clicking on the Gerber sandwich link: