Ted Cruz combines the charisma of a mortician with the political savvy of the kid who wears a suit while running for high school class president.

Rome, OK. But what did Columbine ever do to them?

It bothers me so much that this doesn’t actually rhyme...

When was the NFL draft fun?

Good Game Gennady

I’m not sure ‘we only raised these horses to brutally risk their lives’ is a strong argument for it.

It’s either a good thing or too bad that you weren’t using the plugin that I’m using. It changes his name to “Someone With Tiny Hands.” The Internet is so much easier to take now.

Like a lot of celebrities, the president isn't going on a talk show if he doesn't have something to plug.

Yeah, I was going to reply similarly. I’m a Seahawks fan. I HATE the stupid idiots calling themselves 12s (I literally want to beat to death every single Seahawks fan who buys a personalized #12 FAN jersey). HOWEVER, nearly every football team (and a lot of soccer/rugby teams as well) calls their fans the 12th man.…

She wasn’t actually comparing her struggle to that of MLK. She was making the comparison in an ironic way, drawing attention to the pettiness of her complaints.

This might be my favorite Deadspin comment ever

No big deal, I got friends with the names. I got Tito and Antler from college. I got Nasty Nick and Kirby Fuckett from my sports league and I got Frank Gumbo Jr. whom I met at the DMV. We all got them no doubt about it. Just own it, Greg.

At least now when I yell out “Kobe!” when shooting anything into a garbage can it will be realistic.

When I was little Flip and KG made this team relevant. Always will have a place in my heart. This news makes me so sad

60 is so “be grateful for every day we have” young.

Don’t sweat the whole pronoun thing, Tom. I hear Eddie Murphy has a similar problem.

I just explained. What I’d like isn’t for you to say something. It’s to listen and actually act upon what you’re being told.

In fact, you didn’t “agree with what I said”. You kept arguing that because Henny Youngman held a violin, or started out as a musician, that somehow he wasn’t a stand-up comedian. You didn’t say “Oh yeah, I guess has a history that pre-dates the Apollo”. You’re still not actually listening to people, just…

If Jim, Jane and Joey work on a project and you give all the credit to Jim, you’re denying credit to Jane and Joey.

That’s because when whites act out, it’s an individual thing, when minorities act out (especially black ones), it’s attributed to the whole race. The racist comments are almost always a 1000 times worse when it’s a black person in the video, when it’s a white person, race is almost never brought up. That’s a sad fact…