If by “adopt” you mean “acquire cats, bunnies, sloths and capybaras”, then yes. If I could regrow my uterus and give birth to a sloth, I would. But human babies? No.

The only acceptable kind of yellow face.

Real talk: was ANYONE actually buying this chocolate for a reason other than it has nice packaging? I mean, I’ll admit I bought a couple bars once and it was totally because I got suckered in by the nice packaging.

Taking bets on Shkreli dead pool. Suicide or homicide within two years.

Aww, good luck MEE-chelle Norris!

I read this and immediately shrieked “What??? Nooooo” out loud and now my coworker is looking at me with concern like someone died.

You agree to TLC’s demand for an interview about your marriage for their 3 part special Jessa and Jill: Counting On.

THEIR STYLE IN THAT VIDEO THO!

Not only do I want a full-time cooking show from them, I want a Truman Show-style show where I can just watch them together all the time. These two are national treasures.

I gave it a try to see if it was up my street, because I wasn’t sure. And I guess not, because FUCK THAT’S ANNOYING. It made me understand, for a moment, what road rage must feel like. I wanted to kill them all.

yasss

Is that you, Hipster Barbie?

‘ I like the smell of nature and also rich old lady, those are my two favorite smells’

Yeah, true story. How will gawker handle this. I feel like you weren't making light of someone's death. You were simply wondering wtf they will do with their little Schtick now. These heauxs need to pipe down

As a comedian, I am not fond of hecklers. However, some things deserve to be heckled. This is one of those things.

For once, I’m actually interested in what they’ll do tomorrow.

I came by to make sure this was posted.